Sometimes a song gets stuck in my head and is played on repeat over and over.  I love this new song by Jimmy Buffet.  I listened to a podcast about how this song came to fruition while getting my scans a few weeks ago.  It was released posthumously which gives it a whole new kind of meaning knowing that he was fighting his own battle with cancer while writing this.  Paul McCartney commented after Jimmy’s death about how he was able to turn a diving phrase that is used to train people underwater into a metaphor for life when you’re confused and don’t know where you are to just follow the bubbles and they’ll take you to the surface.  So now I have been thinking a lot about bubbles and scuba diving.  I have come to the conclusion that bubbles are a true measure of reality.  Bubbles represent the important people in our lives.  When we find ourselves a little lost or unsure of where we are headed, we can look to those people for support and guidance, knowing they will always lead us to the place where we can once again catch our breath and feel like we are above the surface of our problems.

Many metaphors for life and scuba diving come to mind.  When I don’t trust the bubbles it is easier just to snorkel on the surface and not deep dive.  When life seems overwhelming which it has for me these last few years the first thing I need to remind myself to do is to check my tank and reserves.  Nobody should go diving with an empty tank.  If I have nothing left in my tank I am of no help to myself or others.  I first need to make sure I have enough in my tank to get myself to safety.  When I do emerge from the depths of uncertainty it is important to know what I need and where I will go to refill my tank.  Scuba divers also use a buddy system.  No one dives alone.  Always know who your bubbles are.   I am grateful to have such a wonderful community of bubbles.  People who have the capacity to dive alongside me and support me leaving so many bubbles for me to follow to the surface.  As the song lyrics reminds us the bubbles 

“will point you towards home

No matter how deep or how far you roam

They will show you the surface, the plot and the purpose

So, when the journеy gets long

Just know that you are loved

Thеre is light up above

And the joy is always enough

Bubbles up”. 

Quick update from my scans.  Cancer things look ok for the most part.  Biggest issue was a thyroid nodule that had an increased amount of radio tracer uptake.  On the final imaging report it was labeled as indeterminate and that it could represent a benign or malignant thyroid process.  So with that I get to add yet another doctor to my list….a referral to an endocrinopathy and metabolic disease specialist whom I will see in the next couple weeks.  In other news my JAK 2 mutation was negative so back to the table to figure out the polycythemia and still acclimating to my new mammal free diet.  I will have an ECHO tomorrow to gather more information on symptoms of mild heart failure that have been unresolved for quite some time since forgoing a surgery a few years ago to scrape off the pericardium of my heart.   And then the remainder of what’s left on my list of appointments over next two weeks.  My next set of restaging scans will be in May post my 5 (FIVE) year mark which is just crazy to even think about or say out loud.  No matter how much my situation improves I still find myself struggling when speaking in terms of years.  It is a constant reminder of why “so you are good now” is never quite as simple as it sounds and a perfect moment to represent what living with an advanced diagnosis looks like.  While I will acknowledge this milestone in some fashion as the time approaches the duality of survival and hope offset by fear and reality will never leave my life.  Like any good diver I hope to stick with it even when the pressure to resurface is great otherwise there's nothing to see or no treasure to take back up with you.  So for now I will not only be camping out in the land of hope but also diving there.  

Lets pop a cork and bubbles up my friends❣️

Take a listen for yourself

https://youtu.be/6j3jDTOG7yI?si=E3D1JLrjeMoW9VPL

Kristi