Journal entry by Brittany Kulikamp —
Mountain moved!! Late last night I got a phone call from my nurse at U of M. They got me scheduled for this Wednesday (May 1st) for the removal of my stent. This is actually the “best case scenario” because it means we don’t have to make 2 trips this week! God is so good! Dan and I will leave Wednesday morning and head to Ann Arbor and do the stent removal on Wednesday, stay overnight, and then do our regular appointment on Thursday and head home. What a gift! It’s the little things in life that make a huge difference.
I was going to make this a short post, but God has actually been asking me to address something and speak into it. So many times I hear people say, “You are so lucky God is answering your prayers, but what if the outcome had been different? Would you still think He is so good?” I have had a lot of years to think about this and fully comprehend my answer.
When Dan’s dad died from Multiple Myeloma 4 months after we got married God didn’t feel so good! It was gut wrenching and so hard! But as I watched Dan’s mom and our family keep moving forward. I could see and witness God in so many things and down deep in my soul I knew He was still good even in the hard.
When my friend Robyn passed away only 3 weeks before my diagnosis there was a very popular Christian song that we played all the time in church. “Good-Good Father”. I couldn’t even sing it! I would cry every time it was sung. God didn’t feel good, what I saw happening to their family didn’t feel good. But again as I sat back and watched God work through them and walk with them. I knew in my heart that my feelings didn’t match the truth.
When our friend Phil went to Heaven last year after receiving a stem cell transplant only 3 weeks after mine. Something didn’t feel fair. How could I again say God is good knowing the very very hard things that this family was experiencing? My feelings didn’t match the truth that I knew. Then once again I was met with having to dig deep to find my answers. Watching God continue to take care of Phil’s family I know that He is still good.
Just in the last few weeks more people in our community have passed away from Cancer. (There was a funeral the day after my transplant) and others have been newly diagnosed. What should we tell them? How should we respond? How do we feel? What do we know to be true?
So to answer the question for myself it really is very simple. No matter what GOD IS GOOD. In fact He is incredibly good…all the time. Why? Because this is not our home!! As Christian’s He died for us and made a beautiful home for us in Heaven and that is the best news ever. This life isn’t the end. And you know what??? The Bible told us that this life was going to be really hard. Our feelings are going to be all over the place and that’s ok. I think about my kids. As their mom I want them to come to me when they have hurt feelings, happy feeling, frustrated feeling and all the feelings so we can process them together. God is no different. He knows your feelings…go to Him with them! Be honest. He loves you anyway. Our one soul purpose on this earth is to shine Jesus to others so that we can all live in eternity together. So yep, this road has been super duper hard for my family. We have had lots of feelings. But here is what I know 100% to be true. With God we can do hard things. God has walked with us. He has provided every need we have ever had. He can be trusted with all things. And when He determines that the task He put us here on earth for has been accomplished, He will allow us to “come home”. And when that time comes He can be trusted to take care of the people we love who’s journey here on earth is not over yet. The amount of times that I continue to have complete peace in this journey can only be a testament to a God that is soo soo good!!! I can’t explain it in words, but I can promise you there is so much truth in knowing His love. So for now and for always I will praise Him. In the good news and the bad I will trust that His plan is perfect!!! For now I am celebrating from the mountain top. And I will continue to proclaim…He’s a good good Father. That’s who you are. And I am loved by you. Now when I sing that song I will raise my hands to the Heavens, I will still have tears that’s definitely true. But it’s because deep in my soul I know it’s true!!
For those of you who read the whole long post…congrats! For those of you who didn’t that’s ok too! Feelings are hard. I don’t know why God asked me to write all that, but I am confident that He has a reason. Be blessed my friends! You are so loved by a good good Father!!!
Enjoy the day! We love you all!
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