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Apr 28-May 04

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So I've only told a handful of people because of the lasting scars of my last diagnosis - read about it here https://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kristenday  Up until this morning I've only told people I have too, the people who live in my home, a friend who I thought heard me talking about it at with my chiropractor, a friend who happened to text me on the day of my diagnosis, a nurse friend and 2 close friends.  Scott and I drove by our old duplex yesterday and I sent pictures to our friend who lived there with us in the duplex next door - we had amazing memories, good and sad, the birth of our first children, Labor Day Lobster Fests and her husbands fight and ultimate loss against cancer.  After talking with her through text I started to feel bad I haven't told her.  She is very close to my sister who's family was the cause of all the scars the first time I was diagnosed and I hadn't told her for fear she'd tell her.  After I conversation I felt she deserved to know from me and not chance I post a picture over the holiday's or down the line that shows the effects of chemo.  

I'm working on processing the feelings and weight of deciding to tell her.   She is someone who although has moved away, is still someone I consider family, we will always be there for each other.  I need to let go of the scars of the past and not agonize over sharing my diagnosis for fear of my siblings finding out, of judgement again or of any negative responses.  

The things you shouldn't have to worry about.....

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