This is going to be a long one, but hopefully one of the last journal entries on my Caring Bridge site.  Thanks to all of you for following my progress and supporting me on this journey.

I had what was hopefully my last surgery on Friday.  Because I have the breast cancer gene (BRCA2) I am also at a higher risk for ovarian cancer.  I certainly don’t have plans for any more babies, so it was time to get rid of the unnecessary parts.  Ovarian cancer is so hard to detect that it was a no brainer to have them removed.  Fortunately my doctors were able to combine 2 surgeries, so in addition to having my ovaries removed, I also had my reconstruction surgery.  And as of yesterday afternoon it was confirmed that I am still CANCER FREE.  But last week that statement was in question. 

I thought I was approaching the finish line, but was I? I was planning to post a journal entry the week of my surgery, but six days before surgery I was shocked to find another lump in what remained of my right breast tissue.  What?!?!  How could this be possible??  It took me a day to really believe it was there.  I spent the next several days in a mad rush of doctor appointments and tests trying to figure out what the lump was so we could make an informed decision going into my surgery on Friday.  With an ultrasound on Tuesday the radiologist confirmed the lump I was feeling, identified a second mass and was almost certain that I had a recurrence of cancer in my right breast.  To say I was devastated would be an understatement.  That was about the lowest point for me in this whole process.  I had done everything I was supposed to do.  I fought the good fight, and most of the time with a smile on my face.  Each time I had a decision to make I made the aggressive treatment choice to minimize the chance of recurrence; I had the bilateral mastectomy, I did the chemotherapy.  And yet here I was, just weeks out from my last chemo treatment, thinking that I had cancer again.  It was a cruel joke; the finish line was in sight but the cancer could send me right back to the start. 

On Wednesday after additional testing and a different radiologist, it was determined that there was really only the one mass that I could feel.  However they still did not know what the mass was and couldn’t rule out cancer.  A needle biopsy was attempted, but due to the location of the mass they were not able to safely perform the biopsy.  So instead it was decided that my doctor would remove the mass during surgery. That meant another scar to add to my breast cancer collection (I’m up to 11), and it also meant that my chemo port would not be removed just in case I needed it for more treatments.  Once in there my surgeon found that the mass was attached to the top layer of my pectoral muscle so in addition to the mass he also had to take out part of the muscle.  The tissue was sent to pathology and then all I could do was wait for the results.  Waiting is always so hard.  I was extremely relieved to hear from my doctor yesterday afternoon that the pathology report came back showing that the mass was just scar tissue; no cancer cells!  I can't begin to tell you what a relief it was to get those results. Needless to say, I slept much better last night and my mental health is doing much better today.  

My physical recovery from the surgery is going well.  Pain management has been much better with this surgery and as of today I am off the narcotics and just managing with ibuprofen.  I have a post-op appointment with my surgeon on Monday to remove the bandages and check on my progress.  Over the past two weeks I have also noticed physical improvements from the chemotherapy side effects.  My energy level has been improving, my muscle aches have gone away, my eyes have stopped twitching all the time, and I have even noticed some hair starting to grow back.  Too bad the first hair to start growing back was my armpit hair! LOL!  But this week the hair on my head has really started to grow back too.  I’m happy for all the signs of improvement!

It’s been a long and exhausting 8 months.  I have a few minor things left to go, but the really big stuff is finally behind me.  My body is ready for a break and the opportunity to heal and recover from it all.  And I am looking forward to getting back to a more normal routine, although normal is a lot different now that it was when I started chemo in early March.  I’m also looking forward to a time when we can see each other again!

Thanks again for all the love!
Kristen