Notes to Krissy - Birthday and Father’s Day musings - 6.20.21

Today is a day that I’ve been dreading Kristine Rose, and it’s been tougher than I expected. On what would have been your 40th birthday, you (and us) are starting over and today is instead your 1st birthday in Heaven. I’m sure it was glorious and I’d love to have been able to hear some of the joyful celebrating going on with you, Grumpa and Gramma! My brain told me that if I survived 3 months after you graduated - I might have a better handle on missing you so much my entire body aches, but as usual... my brain was completely wrong (as you know so well, that is a frequent occurrence). My heart hurts as much as it did the day you graduated to Heaven, and in some ways it hurts more because It has felt like I’m living in a Twilight Zone. Every day I wake up hoping it’s just a nightmare but reality hits like a thunder bolt,  the reminder that it IS a nightmare.... a LIVING, PAINFUL, HARD TO BREATHE nightmare that will never end while on this earth. It was harder also because today your BD and Father’s Day fall on the same day and it reminds me of how often you’ve joked about skipping your BD and mine and waiting till dad’s BD in August to celebrate all of our BD’s (& frequently missing all 3 of our BD’s completely, oops!) - but you never forgot Father’s Day and insisted that we celebrate dad because you wanted him to know how important he was to you and how very much you loved him.  Have to admit it was an impossible day for me to celebrate Father’s Day this year. Hopefully things will be easier next year? If only we were able to celebrate your birthday, I’d make sure that we celebrated just YOU! No combined celebrations - just celebrating you and how special you were and always will be to us. 💜

We are so blessed to have family and friends that have reached out, called, and/or messaged to make sure we knew that they didn’t forget you on your birthday and to make sure we knew how loved we are. We feel their prayers holding us up when we don’t have strength anymore. I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve broken down in tears at least 3 different times today (it may actually have been 4 but who’s counting?).  I’m so thankful today for Auntie, Uncle Dave, Uncle Larry, Aunt Laura, Aunt Barb, Aunt Joanne, Bethy Bug, Johnie, Mark and Rebecca and more I’m sure I’m forgetting. 

One more milestone we’ve lived through and I’m sure

another million are ahead of us. Our life is forever altered without you in it and every day we see things that we would love to share or do with you and that hurts so much. 😢. We are broken, but not defeated! We know God will continue to carry us when we can’t carry ourselves... it’s His promise and we know it is true! 

I’ll close for now, but I will always love you and look forward to being reunited again with you on the day God brings me home and I get to see you again!!