Come join me on a roller coaster ride! Don’t worry…read to the end…you can get off this ride at any time. Unfortunately, I cannot….

 

So, my ride started May 13, 2019. That word…that horrible word…cancer! 😱 Cholangiocarcinoma…what did you say? I can’t even pronounce that let alone spell that! Ok let’s take this ride. Up front, hands up, eyes open and screaming the whole way!!!! We got this!

 

So, you do the treatment, the poison, the medications, the doctor appointments, the eating right, the exercise, all the stuff to help you thrive. We make it through…ring the bell…celebrate! We are not only surviving, we are thriving! 🎉

 

Everybody focuses on the “being alive” part. Nobody, except other cancer patients and their families, understands the nasty side effects nobody talks about. The cancer survivors don’t want to complain because, after all, we are still here. The side effects SUCK!!!!

 

Then you go for tests and scans and bloodwork and then wait…not realizing that every 3 months when these happen you are holding your breath…hoping….praying….yes we are clean and clear!!!!

 

Until….you are not 😢😢😢

 

Wait what…. 😢😱😢......

 

Biggest freakin’ rollercoaster ever!!!! Ok here we go…hands up…screaming…we got this! Again!!!!!!!!

 

Are you still holding on? Did you get off this ride yet? Wish we could.

 

Strangest thing, mentally and logically I understand this makes no sense, but I feel like I let everyone down. How could the cancer be back? Well let’s go! We are fighting this thing! We will win!

 

So here we are at one year and a month-ish later….scans came back questionable. More tests, blood work….crap…no longer questionable. I am now waiting to get a PET scan. Hopefully, it will be just that one spot. We can’t do surgery because it’s too dangerous to operate on an already radiated gut that hasn’t fully recovered and its very close to the spine. Anyway, we will keep talking about options. Depends on the PET scan results. Hopefully, like I said, it will just be that one spot and we will use SBRT (sybernized radiation) to fry the crap out of it. 

 

It’s so strange the things you thought were important and the things you realize are important when faced with this crap. And people can’t simply put a mask on? Seriously people?! 

 

One example, I want to make sure my kids are set. Not just money to go to college, but the daily things we are involved with. The school things we help raise money for and then help coach, run, do. My husband and I have made sure to always have enough to share with the community. When we do reading bowl, mathletics, robotics, baseball, gymnastics, basketball, track, cross country and all of the activities. We do fundraisers, we work extra, we provide dues, shirts, meals and whatever else is needed for those kids and families that can’t afford to do so. We, for years, have quietly paid for others and have provided our time, energy and love. How do I make sure this continues for my children, my community? Since this rollercoaster ride started, I have not been able to work. Family and friends that were so generous and helpful with whatever they could…now need help themselves. How do I make sure we are all cared for? This is what weighs me down and hurts my heart. I want to be the one helping and providing and picking up the slack. How can someone go to a football game and get over a million dollars by holding up a sign for beer (Side note…thank god he did because he donated it to a children’s hospital) and yet we can’t pay off medical bills? Or some kids have to go without because we can’t cover their costs right now. It hurts my heart. People like Ellen DeGeneres get written letters and help so many people…do we do that? How do we do that? People host fundraisers…do we do that? Do I have the energy to do that? Come on…keep fighting….keep moving forward….hands up…scream… you got this... ride!!!

 

My PET scan will be ‪this Friday‬ and the results will be ‪the next Tuesday‬. Keep all positive energy and prayers you can muster coming our way. 🙏🤞🏼 We need it. If you have a magic wand, winning lottery ticket, ability to go viral and raise monies to help us….we accept! 

 

Anyway, thank you for riding with me. I love you all and truly wish you much love and light! 😘💫🤟🏼