Anticipatory Grief and Bereavement Support for Family Anticipatory grief may occur when a death is expected. When caring for someone over time, you may start to grieve that person long before they die; we grieve the loss of the person’s “former self.” Experiencing loss daily, as well as anticipating the loss at the end of life, knowing what is coming, can be just as painful as the loss associated with a death. Caregivers may experience guilt or shame for “wishing it were over” or thinking of their loved one as already “gone.” It is important to recognize these feelings as normal. Ultimately, anticipatory grief is a way of allowing us to prepare emotionally for the inevitable. Anticipatory grief helps family members get ready emotionally for the loss. It can be a time to take care of unfinished business with the dying person, such as saying, “I love you” or “I forgive you.” Like grief that occurs after the death of a loved one, anticipatory grief involves mental, emotional, cultural and social responses. However, anticipatory grief is different from grief that occurs after death. Symptoms of anticipatory grief include the following: • Depression • Feeling a greater than usual concern for the dying person • Imagining what the loved one’s death will be like • Getting ready emotionally for what will happen after the death. Anticipatory grief helps family members cope with what is to come. For families, this period is also an opportunity to find closure. To reconcile differences. To give and grant forgiveness. For both, it is a chance to say goodbye. Though anticipatory grief doesn’t necessarily make the grieving process easier, in some cases it can make death seem more natural. It’s hard to let our loved ones go. Seeing them when they are weak, and failing and tired makes it maybe just a tiny bit easier to say, “It’s okay for you to move on to the next place.” Grief felt before the death will not decrease the grief felt afterwards or make it last a shorter time.

How are we to even imagine life without Kevin? How do our lives go on without him? EVERYTHING is hard. Just going through Hobby Lobby is excruciating... seeing the inspirational quotes... "It's okay" - nope, "Everything happens for a reason" that doesn't help, "Make the most of your day" which part of taking care of my dying/incapacitated husband should I make the most of?, "Tomorrow will be a new day" yep, another day of watching my husband lose more function.

What does our future hold, what do we have to look forward to? The day that he can no longer speak at all? The day he can no longer be off his ventilator for any period of time? The day we lose him? The days/weeks/months afterwards? Our first holidays without him? Going to functions for Gracie feeling like only half of me is there and thinking Poppy should be there watching his cherished granddaughter up on that stage? Getting a raise at work and not being able to call him and then go out to celebrate? I can't even explain how much I miss just holding his hand and walking. Just going out to eat. Going out and working in the yard together. It's just all gone. And to think everything is just going to get worse. Yep, every day is a struggle to just get out of bed and go through the motions. We're no longer living, we're existing while waiting for the worst.

Kevin's GoFundMe Link