It has been 4 weeks since Kevin died. Time has moved both at a glacial and frenetic pace during those weeks. I’ve likened it to living in a parallel universe...everything looks almost the same as it did before, but he is no longer with us.

So while I long for his physical presence, I do not feel alone. He’s in Nora’s bright, shining blue eyes...he’s in the cadence of Jack’s voice, he’s in the stories that we continue to tell as a family, and the questions we answer with his input in mind. Nora likes to say...WWDD..what would daddy do?

I feel him with me every day, and because of the innumerable difficult conversations we’ve had with each other over the last 18 months, I feel at peace knowing I’m going to try every day to do exactly what he wanted me to do: Live. Travel. Laugh. Be the best mother, friend, daughter and sister I can be. Speak with integrity, play the game (even if you suck at it 😉), be fiercely loyal, stand up for what you believe in, use swear words sparingly (but if you are going to say one...make it a good one), say “yes” when it feels right....take some time when it doesn’t. I won’t always succeed, but I will always try. 

Kevin’s only fear through this entire journey was “is everyone else going to be ok?”. I promised him that we would be, and I intend to keep that promise 💜 We do not “move on” from grief, but we do move forward.

A good friend shared this with me, and it gave me a lot of comfort and clarity:

“What I Know”

1. What you don't know, you're not supposed to know yet. 

2. More will be revealed. 

3. Crisis means to sift. Let it all fall away and you'll be left with what matters. 

4. What matters most cannot be taken away. 

5. Just do the next right thing one thing at a time. That'll take you all the way home.

Glennon Doyle