Journal entry by Ann Brubaker —
One year in heaven ,Forever in our hearts....Feb.6 of this month marked Ken's "Homegoing" one year ago...We like to imagine what he could be experiencing! He enjoyed singing ,so he must be enjoying being part of the most beautiful choir of heaven.He also enjoyed children and children loved him, so we can imagine him sitting with a circle of children around with the smallest on his knee.And surely the highlight is being in the Presence of Jesus where there is no more pain, no more tears, and perfect love! I know we think about heaven more now that Ken is there and it makes us look forward to when we all can be together again.And like the quote says " Because someone we love is in heaven,there is a little bit of heaven in our home"
A year ago we wondered how we could go on with life with the grief and loss? And for us as parents to watch our daughter grieve her loss and yet not be able to fix it....It's often quoted "Just take one day at a time" and that can sound trite and overused but that really is our testimony , we got through this first year by taking one day at a time! Many times we felt we were just being carried and God's arms just wrapped around us.I thought recently of that poem "Footprints in the Sand" when there was only one set of footprints in the sand is when the Lord just picks us up and carries us through the difficult times.
It was difficult to celebrate those first holidays without him especially remembering that it was only the the last ones he was still with us..But we know he wouldn't have wanted us sitting around feeling sad.He would've wanted us to still get together.And when we were together it was healing when we would reminisce of the times we had with him.
It has been amazing how well it all had been working out for Deborah to work for us here on the farm.The last night we were able to talk with Ken and when it seemed like he knew he would be going soon.He was concerned about Deborah and we were able to assure him that we would take care of here.We had no idea what that would look like? But God knew....Deborah says it has been the best thing for her, to have to get up every morning and walk turkey barns!
When I think back on Ken's life , he has left us a legacy to inspire and encourage us! When he was diagnosed with cancer in 2020, it was hard words to hear especially for a young man who had many visions and dreams for his life! Right from the start it seemed as if God reached down and infused him with a deep faith to accept God's will for him in it all.We know there must have been some deep battles of the soul to come to that place of rest.And sometimes it seemed like we were struggling with it more than him.When his cancer returned in 2023 , he would often say , "we just need to put this in God's hands" and "If God takes me home early I get the better end of the deal, he feels worse for the rest of us." Yet he was a normal young man who wanted to pursue his goals, and at one point when he was taking chemo for the second round cancer and things were looking hopeful he was looking looking forward to getting out and working again.And in one of our last visits in the hospital Marcus was talking about combining corn I noticed a wistful look cross his face , he would've liked to be out there helping....
He had a higher call on his life to answer to, and he knew life wasnt about what he wanted but what would bring glory to his Heavenly Father.And what we doesn't make sense now,will be understood in eternity.
His kindness and love for people will always be remembered.He throughly enjoyed being a volunteer firefighterand helping people.He especially had a heart to help people who were taken advantaged of.He truly was the hands and feet of Jesus.
In our last visit with him , One of his last words to us were " Keep on what you are doing and stay faithful" And I leave that with you ,whoever reads this...Thank you to all who have thought about us and prayed for us in the past year!
The tears we shed are not in vain,
Nor worthless is the heavy strife;
If, like the buried seed of grain,
They rise to renovated life.
It's through the tears our spirits grow;
Tis' in the tempestuous souls expand,
If it but teaches us to go
To him who holds it in his hand.
Oh, welcome then the stormy blast!
Oh, welcome then the ocean's roar!
Ye only drive more sure and fast
Our trembling bark to heaven's bright shore.
Thomas Cogswell Upham 1799-1872
A year ago we wondered how we could go on with life with the grief and loss? And for us as parents to watch our daughter grieve her loss and yet not be able to fix it....It's often quoted "Just take one day at a time" and that can sound trite and overused but that really is our testimony , we got through this first year by taking one day at a time! Many times we felt we were just being carried and God's arms just wrapped around us.I thought recently of that poem "Footprints in the Sand" when there was only one set of footprints in the sand is when the Lord just picks us up and carries us through the difficult times.
It was difficult to celebrate those first holidays without him especially remembering that it was only the the last ones he was still with us..But we know he wouldn't have wanted us sitting around feeling sad.He would've wanted us to still get together.And when we were together it was healing when we would reminisce of the times we had with him.
It has been amazing how well it all had been working out for Deborah to work for us here on the farm.The last night we were able to talk with Ken and when it seemed like he knew he would be going soon.He was concerned about Deborah and we were able to assure him that we would take care of here.We had no idea what that would look like? But God knew....Deborah says it has been the best thing for her, to have to get up every morning and walk turkey barns!
When I think back on Ken's life , he has left us a legacy to inspire and encourage us! When he was diagnosed with cancer in 2020, it was hard words to hear especially for a young man who had many visions and dreams for his life! Right from the start it seemed as if God reached down and infused him with a deep faith to accept God's will for him in it all.We know there must have been some deep battles of the soul to come to that place of rest.And sometimes it seemed like we were struggling with it more than him.When his cancer returned in 2023 , he would often say , "we just need to put this in God's hands" and "If God takes me home early I get the better end of the deal, he feels worse for the rest of us." Yet he was a normal young man who wanted to pursue his goals, and at one point when he was taking chemo for the second round cancer and things were looking hopeful he was looking looking forward to getting out and working again.And in one of our last visits in the hospital Marcus was talking about combining corn I noticed a wistful look cross his face , he would've liked to be out there helping....
He had a higher call on his life to answer to, and he knew life wasnt about what he wanted but what would bring glory to his Heavenly Father.And what we doesn't make sense now,will be understood in eternity.
His kindness and love for people will always be remembered.He throughly enjoyed being a volunteer firefighterand helping people.He especially had a heart to help people who were taken advantaged of.He truly was the hands and feet of Jesus.
In our last visit with him , One of his last words to us were " Keep on what you are doing and stay faithful" And I leave that with you ,whoever reads this...Thank you to all who have thought about us and prayed for us in the past year!
The tears we shed are not in vain,
Nor worthless is the heavy strife;
If, like the buried seed of grain,
They rise to renovated life.
It's through the tears our spirits grow;
Tis' in the tempestuous souls expand,
If it but teaches us to go
To him who holds it in his hand.
Oh, welcome then the stormy blast!
Oh, welcome then the ocean's roar!
Ye only drive more sure and fast
Our trembling bark to heaven's bright shore.
Thomas Cogswell Upham 1799-1872
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