Hello All, 

I wanted to update you all to let you know that I'm doing GREAT 5 weeks post-surgery. This part of the journey has been so much better than expected. My plumbing is working and I'm not in pain. All good things. I go back to Mayo next week for scans and will update you all with the good news after that appointment (see the manifesting I did there?) but in the meantime, I thought you might like the recent post from my blog. Thank you as always and keep on keeping on. XXOO - Kelly

FROM MY BLOG  The Dimmer Switch:

525,600 Minutes

While I’m not a fan of math, I am a huge fan of musical theater, and I have always loved the song “Seasons of Love” from Rent. Lately, I can’t seem to get it out of my head. For those who don’t know the song, or who need a refresher, here’s how it starts…

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes – how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes – how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How
about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

On July 5th I got 43 staples removed from my abdomen. The last pieces of ‘medical intervention’ that remained in my body after a year of lots of…well…intervention. And on July 6th, I woke up knowing it was 1 year exactly from my diagnosis of Stage 4 Colon Cancer. 365 days of living as a cancer patient. 525,600 minutes of my life that had been defined by this horrible disease. But I also woke up knowing that it wasn’t the horrible that defined the year, it was, as the song says, the love.

While I may not like math, we all have to go there when needed. When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t think I’d live to see my kids all graduate from high school. I did the math and 12 years seemed like a long time to fight. It seemed, statistically, unlikely. I didn’t share this part of my grieving process with those around me. I didn’t want anyone else to know I was going there. I had to be positive. I had to be strong. I had to set the tone. And I also had to allow myself to go there – even if it was just for a moment – so that I could grieve that possibility and prepare myself for what was ahead of me.

Luckily, I quickly readjusted and found the faith to believe that I was going to be okay. It wasn’t just faith, actually. It was a decision. I actively decided that I was going to be okay. That I was going to see my kids grow up and graduate. Heck, I even decided I was going to see them get married and have their own kids. I was going to be okay. And that was what guided me through the hardest journey of my life.

And I am okay. But I am forever changed by those 525,600 minutes.

How do I measure a year? In hugs. In snuggles. In prayers. In laughter. In tears. In triumphs. Even in fears. (I was singing during that part, for those of you that now have the song in your head) But out of tune (which is the only way I sing) here’s what I’m choosing to measure…

I AM choosing to measure, and bear witness to, what my body has gone through.

• 1 Colon Resection Surgery
• 1 Colostomy Creation (not sure what to call it!)
• 12 rounds of Chemotherapy
• 1 Liver Resection Surgery
• 1 Colostomy Reversal
• Countless Blood Draws
• Countless CTs and MRIs
• 3 ER Visits
• Countless Side Effects of everything – some of which could be permanent (neuropathy, chemo brain, weight loss and gain, anxiety and depression, nerve damage, etc)

Lesson there – DAMN, AM I STRONG!

But here’s the real count that matters over the last year…

• The PRAYERS and ‘good vibes’ sent my way from people near and far, even those I have yet to meet. (…and gifts, cards, etc. So grateful and humbled). It was palpable.
• The LOVE shown to my kids (who, by the way, are stronger and sassier than ever. Damn are they rockstars!). Thanks to all who held them a little closer this year.
• The CARE shown to me by the hundreds of medical professionals during my journey.
• The TIME I had with my mom. My siblings. My partner, Dan. Sure, most of it was during or after chemo or surgery, when I wasn’t at my best. But damn was it good.
• The PEACE I found with myself and with the universe.
• The STRENGTH I found in myself and saw in everyone around me.
• The KINDNESS shown from strangers.
• The BEAUTY in life.

And all of them, while countless, add up to a beautiful year in my life.

I’m okay. But I’m also still healing. I actually think I’m entering into the hardest mental part of this experience. The re-entry. But I’m here. And that is sure as hell better than the alternative.

Keep shining,

Kelly

FOLLOW MY BLOG FOR MORE UPDATES - thedimmerswitchblog.com