I got the results from my PET scan back today. Unfortunately, it’s not what we were hoping to hear.

My PET scan from earlier this week showed that I currently have pneumonia. This explains why I have been coughing and feeling pretty terrible for a couple weeks now. I’m on some steroids, antibiotics, and over the counter medicine to try to take care of the pneumonia and get me feeling better I’m general. 

The scan also showed that the tumors in the center of my chest have more activity in them now than they did four months ago when I had the same scan. The activity has more than tripled, and no one is sure why. My oncologist had to call a different doctor that’s a ‘lymphoma guru’ to ask him how that’s possible when I had responded so well to treatment before. He said he didn’t know how it’s possible unless there’s something else also involved because it is very atypical of lymphoma. That being said, my next step is to have another biopsy done to see what exactly the tumor is made of. Right now, we have no definite answers about anything.

It’s possible that it’s just all a really bad infection in addition to the pneumonia that might require a hospital stay with some IV antibiotics to help it go away. It’s possible that my lymphoma has stopped responding to treatments and we’re going to have to find a different form of treatment to attack it. It’s also possible that it’s a completely different type of cancer. The possibilities are endless, and God knows I’ve thought of all of them today. However, we won’t know anything until I have the biopsy which will be scheduled on Monday.

I know that not everyone knows this, but I have a fairly close relationship with almost all of the nurses, doctors, and staff at my oncologist office. Every time I walk in the door, I’m greeted with huge smiles and friendly conversations. Today, as my mom and I walked in, everyone was going out of their way to avoid making eye contact with either of us. It was weird, but they were busy so I tried not to think anything of it. It wasn’t until the doctor telling me my results made the comment about how the entire office reacted when my scans came through yesterday that it made sense.

You see, when you’re at the oncologist office for too long, it’s easy to start feeling down and depressed. Because everywhere you look, someone is getting bad news. Someone is looking worse and worse. Someone is finding out that they might not be able to win their fight. And worst of all, someone is losing hope that they will win their fight. That’s why I have always tried to have a smile on my face for every patient, staff member, nurse, and family member that I see while I’m walking the halls. And because of that, I’ve been able to form the close relationships I was talking about earlier.

When my mom and I came out of the room to leave this morning, I was bawling my eyes out. I had hoped and prayed that I would be done and be able to live a normal life again. Instead, I had more questions and doubts than ever before. The entire nurses station was full of nurses that all stopped and looked up to give me sympathetic looks before we left. One of my personal favorite nurses told me that she’d call me later about an appointment that needed to be made, and she told me that she loves me.

I never expected to be diagnosed with cancer at 21; or ever in all honesty. I never expected to have the story that inspires others around me. I never expected to be such a positive influence on so many people that I don’t even know by name. I never expected to have so many people that don’t even know me, pray for me to make it through this journey I’ve started. I never imagined my life would be what it is today; what it was in that doctor’s office today; but thank God I’m here. 

As some of you know, today is three weeks since my last chemo, and after my news today, I’m still on my break until we get more concrete answers. But, after talking to one of my nurses today, I was told that me getting the tattoo I’ve wanted for months now wouldn’t hurt anything (of course her professional opinion was that I should wait). So, tonight my mom and I went so that I could get the tattoo I’ve wanted since I found the quote just a couple days after I lost all of my hair. I couldn’t be more in love with it, and I cannot imagine anything better to help me keep going after I was completely knocked down today. 

If you managed to read this far, I want to say thank you for listening to my late night rambling and reminiscing of today. I ask that all of my Team Katie warriors continue to pray for me as I’m still waiting to find out what is going to happen next for me. I love and appreciate all of you more than you could ever possibly know. Your support of me throughout this journey is part of what has helped keep me going on my bad days; including today.💜💜💜