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Here’s my story. This is long and of course you don’t have to read it all. I have many friends asking questions and wanting to learn more about breast cancer so I wanted to include all the details I can.
I have a history of having cysts in my breasts and had my first mammogram several years ago. I was called back for an ultrasound and was told I have many cysts in my right breast but they look normal. I had been avoiding doing mammograms again because well, they are not fun! At my annual exam this past October my doctor examined me and strongly suggested I get a 3-D mammogram. I put this off for a little bit and then right before Thanksgiving I called and was able to get in that day for one. They called me back in for an ultrasound the following week. They had found two masses in my right breast, but at this point I wasn’t nervous about this because I knew I have had cysts before and thought it’s probably just those. After my ultrasound, the radiologist came back and told me right away that he didn’t like how these looked at all-he was very concerned. I asked him what he thought it was and he said possibly cancer. He asked me if I had some time right now so he could do a biopsy of the two masses. I was feeling nervous and kind of frozen at this point but just went through all the motions to get that done.
A few days later on Friday I was supposed to get the results but they called and said the results were inconclusive so I would need a surgical biopsy. Ugh! I couldn’t get into Cambridge hospital for another few weeks which was frustrating, to say the least, but the very kind nurse there got me into see a surgeon at Mercy that Monday. I met with my surgeon and she was very caring and wonderful. She was optimistic and really thought we were just dealing with some atypical cells. So on December 22 I had a wire localized excision for both masses. It was a day procedure where I first went to an ultrasound place and the radiologist placed a thin wire in each mass. This was a very weird experience as I was awake but they numbed the area with lidocaine so it was only a little painful. The wires are put in place for the surgeon. Then Joe took me to Mercy where I was under general anesthesia and the doctor made to incisions to remove the wires and masses which were then sent to pathology. The recovery from this was very good. Just painful the first few days. Then we waited. I had a follow up appointment with surgeon the following week but she said she’d call if she got the results sooner. So over Christmas we waited and tried to enjoy life as much as we could with this dark cloud hanging over us. Maria’s boyfriend’s family invited us to their cabin which was so nice to get away, enjoy a beautiful place and not think about this!
There was no call from the Dr. so we went to my appointment Dec 31. 2020 and the surgeon quickly looked at how I was healing up then had me sit in a chair next to her. I had a sinking feeling in my chest at this point. She said she was very surprised and it took so long to get my results because she had several pathologist look this over. She told me it’s cancer in both masses :(. I’m trying to grasp all the information she’s telling me while inside I’m falling apart. I can’t even look at Joe. She carefully laid out on another piece of paper writing and explaining exactly what we were dealing with. (She’s amazing) In the one mass (I will call it mass A) I have invasive ductal cancer 2.2cm (1 inch) and it is a grade 2. (the grade level tells how fast the cells grow and multiply 1-being low -3 being higher) It is estrogen and progesterone receptor positive cancer. This is the more common type of breast cancer. In the other mass (mass B) I have invasive micro papillary cancer grade 3 and it was 4 cm (1 ¾ in). The cancer in mass B is called Triple Negative Breast Cancer (TNBC). This is not as common and is a more aggressive cancer. Anything over 1 cm for TNBC requires chemotherapy and mastectomy with biopsy of sentinel lymph node. Even though the Dr. removed the masses it wasn’t a total lumpectomy as she didn’t know what we were dealing with. So some of the cancer cells are still there. And that is where I start crying but I’m trying very hard not to totally lose it as I want to comprehend what she is saying. And also my mind is trying to understand- wow there are several types of breast cancer.
I was told my options and based on what the Doctor told me and her suggestions which would be my best chances of no recurrence I chose to have a bilateral mastectomy with phase 1 reconstruction surgery. Phase 2 reconstruction will most likely be after my chemo treatments. I will have the mastectomy and phase 1 reconstruction on February 2nd at 8:00 a.m. I will give more details of what this will involve on my journal entry later this week.
I can feel your prayers as it gives me strength each day. All of this is overwhelming at times for me. I am grateful to have been in contact with some amazing brave women who have gone through similar experiences and it has been helpful. But honestly, there are days I am feeling brave and strong and then there are days where I am basically an emotional basket case and I am frustrated and angry and just plain sad. Joe has been such an important person for me to lean on in this. I love him so much! It helps he has that psychology brain and loves to listen and analyze so he has really helped me sort through many of my up and down feelings. One conclusion he told me yesterday that really helped me is this….
God is good-yes! We are trusting in Him-yes! We know this and are grateful for His guidance and provision. But that doesn’t mean we stop having feelings. We can’t just stop at the snap of our fingers the sadness, the anger, the grieving, the fear. So, we will go through emotions and get through this valley together.
Yet in all this I will lift my head and sing His praises!
Thank you so much for your prayers and support! The cards and messages lift us up each day! We are truly blessed!
Yesterday was my final surgery for breast reconstruction and I got my port removed!! I am so grateful to be done! The pain is not nearly like the first surgery, I am sore but it is much more manageable. In the beginning of March, I also had CT scan done and then a bone scan to check on some pain I was having but praise God both were clear!!! I feel like I can breathe again!
We are all so grateful for the time we had together In Puerto Rico a few weeks ago! It was an amazing time of exploring beautiful cities and beaches. Laughing and simply being together just the four of us is a gift I will treasure forever! It was also a good time for me to just relax and reflect on this past year. Joe and I were walking along this quiet beach and I was thinking about how a year ago I had started chemo and we really had no idea of what the future would be. Now here I am walking on this beach with my amazing husband and looking at my beautiful daughters. As I had these thoughts, I looked down and there in the sand was a small perfect sand dollar. I feel like that was put there for me to remember God is always with me, He is in control and His promises never fail. Thank you God!
Thank you all for being there for our family with meals, cards, and most importantly prayer.
I couldn’t have gone through this without the prayers and support of all of you! Thank you just doesn’t seem like it says enough for me.
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