It’s hard to believe it’s finally finished.  

We met with the Dr. as usual. He didn’t comment on my labs so I assumed they were good (no news is good news, right?).  He confirmed that this was indeed the last treatment. I must admit that I just didn’t really fully believe it until it came from him  🤩

We discussed post chemo plans.  Up next, I will do another PET scan now that my chemo is officially complete.  I will also do another EKG now so they have a post chemo baseline of my heart. One of the side effects of one of my chemo drugs is that it can affect the heart function and cause some cardiac issues.  God forbid if I should run into any future cardiac issues, it’ll be important for any cardiologists to know about this drug and also be able to refer back to this post chemo EKG. 

After the PET scan and EKG, I will do labs every 3 months for the next year. I will also need to do monthly flushes of my port to make sure it continues to work properly.  If the lab numbers are off at any time, they will establish a plan of tests at that time (CT scan, PET scan, etc.). My meds will also continue for the next year. 

I asked the Dr. about the chances of this “coming back.”  He said the first year will be the most critical but even then, my chances of it returning are low. But there’s always still a chance so that’s why they will monitor things closely.  I will continue to see him for at least 5 years but after year 1, the chances of the cancer returning drop dramatically. 

As far as my chemo side effects, the Dr. said it could take a full year for the neuropathy to fully dissipate. I should experience hair growth in about 6 to 8 weeks That’s exciting because I think I miss my eyebrows the most 😂. My energy levels will also take time to return and of course, everyone is different on how this goes. The Dr. said I should notice small increases in getting back to “normal.”  Two weeks from now I should notice more energy and after another 2 weeks, I should have more improvement and so on and so forth. 

There are so many emotions during this last treatment. There’s relief that the 12 treatments are done. There’s excitement to get back to a more “normal.”  And of course, there’s anxiousness about what the future holds.  

What a journey this has been.  Chemo is a double edge sword.  On one side, it’s saving your life by killing cancer and on the flip side, it inevitably almost kills everything but you. 

With that being said, the mind game through all of this was the hardest and most challenging. I have to tell a quick story about the day we realized this. It was in July when we met my oncologist for the first time.  Once we finished with the Dr., it was lunch time and Cory and I headed to Panda Express. 

As you can imagine, hearing the diagnosis of “it’s probably cancer” is hard and heavy. But Panda Express orange chicken and egg rolls fix everything, right?  That day I was sure hoping they could. 

Cory and I were both in a state of shock during that lunch. I fought back hard to keep the tears in and so did he.  Tears and egg rolls didn’t seem like a good combo 🤣 Neither of us could finish our meals so we packed up our leftovers and I told Cory that I was going back to the office. I was trying to escape this news in anyway I could. 

Work was a good distraction but not enough. Fast forward to my drive home where I cried big fat tears all the way down I-80. I got home and laid in bed in the dark and cried. And cried. And cried. 

I cried so hard. I was angry. I was confused. I was frustrated. And I was terrified. 

I started to feel sick there in bed. A pounding headache. My eyes burned from all the tears. I felt nauseous. Cory came in and talked with me and we cried together.  

The news was sinking in. I have cancer. How was I going to survive this?  And the question that hung over my head the most:  could I survive it?

During all this time and during all these appointments and tests, I had never felt sick.  But guess what had now caused me to feel sick?  Guess what had given me the pounding headache, the burning eyes, and the uneasy stomach?

It was all caused by my thoughts. The thought of cancer. My body at that time was already fighting the fight. But the thought of cancer was affecting me much worst. 

And guess who has control over my thoughts?  I do. 

And that’s when it clicked. My mindset is going to the key to getting through this.  You’ve heard the saying “the body achieves what the mind believes.”  Cory emphasized this to me and set the mantra that we were going to tackle everything in a positive light.  He got real with me and we knew this was going to be the most intense, challenging, and demanding mind game we’d ever been through. 

But coincidentally enough, Walker had just finished summer camp at KidStrong where they drove home 3 simple sentences with the kids every day:  

We are brave. We are strong. We can do this. 

And from that point on, I constantly repeated those phrases. I was brave. I was strong. I could do this. And we did it. We fought the fight and won. 

So what happen next?  I don’t know. My Dr. doesn’t know. No one knows. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. 

And that may be the biggest lesson I’ve learned:  it’s time to live. Take the trips. Buy the shoes. Soak up the sunshine.  Embrace the hugs. Life is just too short. 

If you’re still reading my ramblings here, I must personally thank you.  Thank you for the love, the prayers, the thoughts, the kindness, the home cooked meals, the texts and phone calls. Cory, Walker and I could feel this tribe supporting us and it has truly been remarkable. You have made a difference in this journey and we could not have done it without you.  

As much as I love writing these posts, I hope this is the last one but only time will tell. Thank you again.  🙏 We love you all so much!

XOXO and GBR,

Katie