So it’s funny that I started this page today because I literally sent the message “heading in the right direction this morning” as those were the words we received yesterday! Today is another heavy update, so bare with me!!
I don’t have all the details other than mom started to go into kidney failure... which if you remember a few days ago... Dr. L told us that was a possibility... and then we got the update okay shes “heading in the right direction”
So while to most that means the next steps are all good... we know that it actually means buckle up for this roller coaster we’ve been on for the last few weeks! Daddy called me today and said I had missed some calls from Dr. L and I didn’t even realize that my phone was on “do not disturb”. Which I’m now realizing is what I have to keep doing in order to keep my sanity and not continue to spiral our of control with emotions!
Today was probably the worst phone call yet and I’m just so thankful that I wasn’t the one to receive the call 😅 like I said... it would have spent my entire day into a downward spiral; but instead, I just got to listen to the update from my daddy. The update is that moms kidneys started to go into failures... remember Dr. L said this could happen... starting to learn that all the awful possibilities are actually warnings to us: this is going to happen to your mom, so be prepared! Super scary!!! They called daddy today because Dr. L needed permission to resuscitate if necessary!!!
Well I don’t know the update and I really don’t need to know, because today... I (Ashley) spent my day “worrying” about other things that ACTUALLY NEED MY attention! Please hear me say that yes it breaks my heart that my mom is suffering and again “looks worse than she ever has” so I “sat” with that spending one-one time with my 7 year old Maci who until today, I had NO IDEA was craving time alone with me... her and I are so much alike that I TOTALLY missed her cries out to be with me because I was carrying other burdens that are not mine to carry. And this is so hard... all of it... so emotional... but SO GOOD TO FINALLY LET GO AND TRUST THE VOICE I HEARD whispering to me on December 23 “ it’s okay ashley.... I’m going to take care of your mom”
So as I type this I am a mess... and that’s okay... because my mom who I love so much tried to go to heaven today... but God has heard us crying out to him and didn’t take her... yet!!! So now we continue to wait 🥰🥰🥰
Love,
Ashley
