Yesterday was treatment number 3 of 6. I am still feeling pretty good most of the time. It seems like I've settled into a somewhat predictable pattern after chemo. I feel good during, through about midday Saturday when I just need a nap. Sunday I feel some additional fatigue, and Monday after treatment seems to be the day the fatigue and cruddy feeling are the worst, but I still haven't had any vomiting. Whatever nausea I experience has been mostly mild and well controlled with drugs. I am thrilled with that part! 

I was in Redmond last week for a work conference, so I got to celebrate Owen's birthday with him and Shauna Wednesday evening. We enjoyed a fabulous dinner together. Friday, Shauna treated me to an outstanding massage at Black Butte Ranch. Then I stayed with Shauna in Sisters for a couple of nights before coming home on Sunday (Owen was off to the dunes with friends for Memorial Day weekend). Kent was busy helping his parents clean up the property at the lake for the season. Shauna and I went over there Saturday afternoon to just enjoy the sun and visit with everyone. I sure miss having my kiddos close, so I was really happy to have some extra time with them. 

I am feeling so loved and kind of spoiled! My friends Lisa and Rosemary made me the most BEAUTIFUL quilt! I have made a few quilts, and I really understand how labor intensive they are to make. I am honored that these wonderful humans chose to spend their time constructing one FOR ME! Also, Randy P. gifted me a tortuga pendent on a neck chain. Senor Tortuga is supposed to be lucky, so he went to treatment with me yesterday too. Tanya has sent me many cool little things (swearing coloring book, pens to color with, t-shirt, etc), but the best thing she sent was a pair of custom socks. Tanya, Jennifer and I have been close friends since junior high, and we have this goofy picture from maybe 9th or 10th grade where we put on crazy makeup, made our hair huge, and were wearing concert shirts with long john bottoms and boots. Tanya had the photo made into the socks, and I wore those yesterday too. I have tried to wear or bring something with me to every chemo session that is from friends, since I can't bring in visitors. Those things remind me how much love and support I have, and they feel like hugs.

According to both the oncologist and the surgeon, I am doing great, and they both feel that the tumors are responding to chemo. I have an ultrasound coming up at the end of the month so they can have better measurements to gauge exactly how much shrinkage has happened. We are aiming for surgery towards the latter part of August. There is still some uncertainty whether that will be a lumpectomy (which is our hope), or a mastectomy. That decision very much depends on how well the tumors have responded to chemo. I imagine we won't have a final determination on that until closer to surgery time.

One of my main goals through this journey is to attempt to keep my life as normal as possible. I think I am on track with that. I get into work just about everyday, (mostly on time!), with the exception of chemo day and cruddy post-chemo Mondays, and I am working remotely on those days. Kent and I still get to enjoy some evenings out at our favorite taphouse, aka Home 2.0, aka Tsunami, even if I am only having one at a sitting these days. We play trivia most Tuesday evenings with our friends Greg, Lisa, their brilliant son Holt, and occasionally Rosemary joins too.  

What I am also learning from all of this is patience and grace. I have a far better understanding that so little is in my actual control. I can't control the fact that I have cancer. I can control my attitude around it. I can't control that sometimes my care providers run late. But I remember that it wasn't very long ago that I appreciated them taking extra time with me when I was newly diagnosed. Maybe today they have a new patient that also needs that time, because they are having one the worst days of their life and trying to wrap their head around their news. I can offer grace. I can choose to be terrified by this journey, or I can trust that I have a wonderful team caring for me, and I have the most excellent support system anyone could ask for. I choose the positive path.

Thank you friends and family for all of the positive energy you're putting out to the universe on my behalf. It truly means the world to me, and I feel the love and light surrounding me. I feel peaceful and content. I feel incredibly fortunate. I feel a real sense of gratitude that I am in a great place in my life, which probably sounds crazy right now. However, I know the light at the end of the tunnel is warm and good, and not an oncoming train, lol!

"It's times like these you learn to love again."

Love to you all!

Kathleen