I can’t believe that it was only 5 years ago this weekend that we were able to pull off a surprise 50th Birthday celebration for Kathleen.  It was a fun-filled family/friends weekend in NYC and the guest of honor was not only surprised, but extremely grateful to have her family and friends with her as she celebrated, what we thought was going to be the midpoint in her life.  We were also so grateful to have Kathleen’s mom,Toni with us that year as she battled with her own cancer. Unbeknownst to us at the time, Toni’s strength and grace during that period of her life would serve as a model for Kathleen only 5 years later.

A lot has happened in the past 5 years, some very good and some very painful.  The longer I get to experience this thing called “Life” the more likely that I will continue to experience these “ups and downs”.  In fact, if I broke up my entire life into 5 year increments, I’m sure I would see a similar pattern in each increment.  The big difference is that my future “ups and downs” will need to be experienced without my better half. 

This is more difficult than one can imagine but I am very grateful to my family, and all of you who have rushed in to fill the void - keeping me busy, opening your homes, visiting, calling and texting to check in.

I was extremely lucky to have Kathleen in my life for 37 years. She was the ultimate “opener” - beautiful, happy, funny and confident.   I often would say that she would talk to a wall if she thought it might talk back, and it is because of that trait that a shy kid from State College, PA was able to meet and help solidify our friendships with all of you. I know from many years of peddling insurance, that when you lose your “opener”, you better hold onto the friendships you have as they will pay dividends for years to come.

As we approach Kathleen’s 55th birthday this Sunday,  I am somewhat reflective about Kathleen’s final weeks.  Just prior to the onset of morphine and other “Hospice Candy” which were made available to Kathleen to help her rest and find peace, I was able to gather some final advice from her. After being married for 32 years, I was expecting a list of advice, however, her simple written advice was “Be Happy”. 

Really? - Be Happy.  That’s it?  All of you know that Kathleen was an extraordinary communicator and a prolific writer, so for her to leave me with such simple marching orders meant that she must have trusted me to carry myself and our family forward, or as Maya Angelou states above “Continue to be who and how you are, to astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness.  Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart.”

Given that Kathleen was also an avid reader of Maya Angelou’s works, I feel that the elements of this quotation are contained in the unspoken elements of “Be Happy”

“Continue to be who and how you are” - I can hear her now - “Rod, keep living in the same way and spirit as you have, even though I won’t be physically present.”  With the help of family and friends I am able to do this.  I’m becoming a professional 3rd , 5th or 7th wheeler at dinner parties and it feels like it's going to be ok.

“Continue to allow humor to lighten the burden of your tender heart”.  Humor was always a big part of our relationship and we are extremely lucky that it is a big part of both of our families.  One would only need to be on the McCollum sisters’ group text chain to realize that humor will continue in Kathleen’s absence.

“Astonish a mean world with your acts of kindness”.  This is the part that I consider to be my perpetual homework. I not only want to find ways to bring kindness into this world, but I want her to do it with me.  It is for this reason that my family and I are establishing the Kathleen M Ayer PI Foundation in her honor.

I am in the early stages at this point and will work on the infrastructure piece this fall, but the intent of the foundation is to provide grants to nonprofits which are working towards providing assistance to those areas which we believe fit with Kathleen’s legacy.

Most of you know that Kathleen was a continual student.  She loved to learn as much as she loved to teach.  She had many passions, but Math, Art and the education of both of these competencies was at the top of the list.  PI day was a special day in Kathleen’s life as she worked with other teachers in Monmouth Regional High School to promote it, and we celebrated it annually, even after she retired from teaching.  It is only appropriate that PI is a central theme around her foundation.

While we haven’t flushed out the details yet, the Kathleen M Ayer PI Foundation will focus on programs supporting the following:

STEM Education - with a special emphasis on young women and diversity.

Art Education and Art inclusion programs - with a special emphasis on the Arts impact on kids.

Various programs which support the enrichment of young women - There wasn’t a year that went by that Kathleen didn’t try to mentor a young woman on building confidence and making a difference.

Programs promoting Women in Insurance -  Kathleen re-entered the insurance industry as an underwriter and business owner after a successful teaching career.  While she most likely enjoyed teaching a bit more, I was very proud of her accomplishments at both DGU and NFP.  While women insurance executives are more present than in the past, Kathleen always believed there was an imbalance and she would want to support programs to promote more young women into the industry.

I doubt this is an all encompassing list, but these focus points will help to honor Kathleen’s legacy and provide me with an opportunity to continue to share Kathleen’s story and provide her level of kindness into the world.

Happy 55th Birthday in Heaven Kathleen!  I miss you more than I thought was possible but I am grateful to have had you in my life and I will continue to work on “Being Happy” for both of us. 

Love you forever, Rod