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May 05-11

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hello, you, i know there are some yous out there. people i know, people i love , people i don't know, people i would like to love.

i'm recovering not quite out of woods yet but soon after raging bacterial infection stemming from a split filing in my mouth that was replaced that started draining into my neck, throat, head, occiput, unbearable pain -- it's like in this lifetime, i get to experience so many diverse types of pain, and i'm not quite categorizing them yet.

Still not able to stand, talk, walk, function for any length of time, mostly horizontal, as is my body's need. what an amazing body i have; so strong, so capable, so able to rebalance and keep me alive. i'm responding with love to this dear body: a bath. bubbles from kelsey. so many gifts again -- people showing up. a young woman only 19 who miraculously managed to shift gears from garden work to tending to me completely invalided and weeping in pain. and yet she did'nt run out of the door and came back every morning to work. what a blessing -- linda weber was involved with this.

a second MRI on wed. and if it's healed up. then step two, pull tooth or let it be for now... which is the safest for me bet ... it's interesting..lots to ponder regarding systems, failure of systems, advocating for oneself to save one's life ( this will be in another post, the story of the brassy nurse and the unresponsive system and how i elicited response and got the help i needed), you know, minor things like that, all while we are in the midst of covids, attempts to infiltrate our democracy with facism, the today marshall, minnesota, walmart couple wearing nazi face masks, eliminating racism, and transformation of the whole culture. just a few minor challenges on every level. 

it's  profound how things can go south so quickly. suddenly! immediately! and ER people friends and Sol were there. so glad and grateful for this. because ... well, it was hard. for them, for me. still hard for me to even think about the medical system with clear thinking just now. but they gave me the antbiotics that saved me for now. we'll deal with the fallout from them later... once this is behind me. 

i have spent a good deal of time laying on the grass. i am hoping that i will be able to write again because there's a lot to get out ....of my own system. 

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