Groundhog day (thank you very much)
I was just commenting to my family that this life of semi-retirement and every-other-week-chemo for the foreseeable future sometimes feels like the movie
Groundhog Day. Same thing, over and over and over. It’s sometimes infuriating, boring, crazy-making. And always I feel - or know I need to feel - grateful.
The things I look forward to are life stuff that’s not cancer-related. Josh graduated. Kids came home from college. Bridget’s overseas for a 2-week college course. I’m helping with a capital project at church. Going to the farmer’s market. Enjoying a house just cleaned. Maybe camping next week.
It takes constant work to re-focus (and re-focus, and re-focus….) on not-cancer stuff. I sometimes lose that focus & start to dwell on feeling miserable or being fed up with this never-ending cycle. Mike gets the brunt of that frustration (sorry, hon.) But therapy helps and then something comes along to divert my attention for *just* long enough.
I’ve been working on another creative project I’m not quite ready to share about (no, not a book - maybe someday on that front.) But it’s good to have something that feels like an actual growth opportunity for just a bit. A spark of energy and inspiration.
On a more concrete note, I had a brain scan in May - all clear - and I wad “graduated” to brain scans every 6 months. It’s good! No guarantee that brain tumors won’t eventually come back, but for now I feel like things have loosened up just a hair on the cancer front.
There was also a clinical trial recently at the NIH for which I was almost a match. Same cancer type, stage, genetic mutations - but I didn’t match one small antigen type. Feels like there could be opportunities for another kind of treatment on the horizon. So that’s hopeful.
For now, I need to get myself out of my comfy morning chair, and go out to enjoy a trip to get some good food, and then get the dogs out for a walk.
Enjoy your weekend. Maybe for you it’s a break from a hectic schedule or maybe like me it’s an opportunity to get out to break the monotony of a a quiet time in your life. Regardless, hope you get the rest or spark of inspiration you need this weekend.
