"Now in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27 

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He reached down to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the mud; and He set my feet on a rock, making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3

As I prepare to leave today to head to Durham, NC for my appointment tomorrow at the Duke ALS Clinic with Dr. Bedlack, I've felt a nudge to make a post to explain and clarify the events and timeline leading up to this and to ask for prayer. Also, in a world of many different options and avenues, it's good for me to sit and clear my head by recounting the Lord's hand of guidance and provision thus far by remembering how He has worked through people to direct me where I am at today on this journey. Since my diagnosis on August 9, 2023, nearly nine months ago, the road we have traveled has been up some mountains and down in some valleys but I know that our Lord and Savior has been with us every single step of the way, leading, guiding and directing us in His will, ways and plan.

The first two months of my ALS diagnosis were the hardest I think I’ve ever lived. I could hardly find any peace, hope or joy. When peace found its way to me, I would try to hold onto those precious moments. I have dealt with depression, anxiety and OCD off and on all my life and this diagnosis was like a tsunami that hit the shores of my mind, exponentially worsening all of my mental struggles by a million. When I first heard the diagnosis, I struggled mentally and emotionally many mornings to get out of bed. Before the diagnosis, I would usually wake up by 5:30 or 6 am and have a quiet time, get ready for the day and start school with the kids by 8:30 am or so but after the diagnosis, I could barely get in the shower and get downstairs by 9/9:30/10:00. I couldn’t put words to my emotions. I was in a pit of despair. I felt like I had lived those first couple months of the diagnosis in silence.

In processing the events leading up to my Duke ALS Clinic appointment, it's easiest for me to put them in a timeline:

October 11, 2023 (Wednesday) - I had my first visit to the ALS Multidisciplinary Clinic at Georgetown. This is a 2-3 hour appointment where you see all the doctors and medical providers you need to see for evaluation - neurologist, PT, OT, pulmonologist, speech therapy, nutritionist, ALS Association representative, etc.

October 13, 2023 (Friday)- A friend from Texas texted me and asked how I was doing since we moved. I texted her back on Saturday, October 14 to let her know about the diagnosis.

October 14, 2023 (Saturday) - When we first got the diagnosis, Charlie and I couldn’t bring ourselves to tell the kids the name of the diagnosis (thinking they would look up ALS and see the devastating progression of the disease) or that the life expectancy I was given was 3-5 years, as we were just processing all that information ourselves. We did tell them that I would be physically deteriorating and that I would use a cane, then a walker, then a wheelchair and then an electric wheelchair. During the week before October 14, Charlie and I thought it was time to tell the kids the hard details of the diagnosis, which we did on Saturday, October 14. We also added the assurance that we do know my life is in the Lord’s hands and He knows how long I’ll be here. There were tears but we pulled through it ok. Charlie did most of the talking and did an amazing job. I thought this burden I had carried for the past two months since the diagnosis would be lifted off of me after this, but it was just as heavy or heavier for the next few days.

October 17, 2023 (Tuesday) - my friend from Texas sent me information about Dr. Bedlack at the Duke ALS Clinic.

October 18, 2023 (Wednesday) - the mental and emotional strongholds start to break free this day! Praise the Lord! On this day, I had had enough of the oppression and torment. I prayed - Lord, deliver me. Lord, rescue me. Lord, please provide a way out. The rest of the day I felt more like me before the ALS diagnosis. That afternoon I had great day of schooling with my little boys. That evening, I actually made dinner. That night I didn’t sleep much but it was because I felt like the Lord was speaking to my heart and helping me order my thoughts.

October 19, 2023 (Thursday) - on Thursday mornings there is a Bible study at 6:30 am with some of the ladies in the neighborhood. These ladies have been so supportive of my family and I from day one, being the hands and feet of Jesus - bringing us meals in the days after I got diagnosed and continually asking how they can help - and I had only known them for three weeks since moving here.  I had struggled to go to the Bible study because of my mental and emotional struggle to get out of bed. But that Thursday was totally different. I was motivated to go and had things to say, just like I had been before the diagnosis. 

October 21, 2023 (Saturday) - a friend in the neighborhood asked me if I had heard of this RN who had ALS and was healed from it. I googled her and found her story and was encouraged.

November 8, 2023 (Wednesday) - while researching about the RN who was healed from ALS, I came upon the website HealingALS.org. When diving into this website, I looked at the ALS reversals tab and found a very informative video that Dr. Bedlack did which included the information he is gathering and researching about ALS reversals.

November 13, 2023 (Monday) - I sent an email to the Duke ALS Clinic to see about getting an appointment with Dr. Bedlack.

December 4, 2023 (Monday) - I got an email saying I had an appointment on April 30th, 2024 with Dr. Bedlack. 

Prayer request - We have been diving into trying to figure out what toxins to rid my body of that might be causing this diagnosis of ALS and what nutrients my body needs to heal. I have been working this through more functional means so I am curious to get back into a more conventional medicine world via this appointment and see what approach and advice Dr. Bedlack can give me. I pray that he can give me some insight that will continue to direct my path toward healing.

Lord Heavenly Father, please give me the words to say and questions to ask while I am at Duke. Help me to be focused and to be able to retain the information I need to from this appointment. Please continue to lead and guide me toward Your will through Your ways by the power of Your Holy Spirit. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.