It’s been a year, today.

I don’t know about you, but for me, sometimes it still feels like just yesterday.  It’s hard to believe we’ve had an entire year of firsts without our Julie here with us.  

I read somewhere that by holding beauty gently without pushing aside grief, it helps us remember to be whole, even as we face our broken heartedness.

This past year, I have tried holding beauty gently without pushing aside my grief. There’ve been many times I have felt Julie right there with me – especially through the sublime beauty of nature – and that has been medicine for me as I’ve grieved over the past year. (I’ve thought of them as Nature's What’s Going on Goods when I’ve paused to share them with her.)

Here are just a few of my Nature’s WGOG moments:

I often drive out of my way to look for bald eagles on Lookout Road. Almost always, there is one, and often there are two (hi Dad!) and I feel my heart expand just ever so slightly.

Every full moon reminds me of the full October moon we had during those last days we shared with her, and I am reminded of how she loved so fully.

Last winter was especially cold, but beautiful. I wrapped up in the fuzzy blanket she gave me and felt cozy in her love.  

Then the meadowlarks returned, singing their early spring songs, and I remembered how she connected them with spring’s arrival during that first year without dad. And tulips. Life all around and everywhere, even during a time of huge mourning.
Big thunderstorms. Hailstorms! Countless rainbows. The owl that hooted outside my window all summer. Shooting stars. And now, autumn is here, again, and the aspen trees in Colorado have been especially more vivid and golden this year.

While I have my first cup of coffee, almost every morning, I think about how much half and half she liked to have in hers and it makes me smile.

Julie is one of the favorites in my iPhone - I can’t bring myself to remove her from my contacts. Is she still in yours, too?

She is so missed.

Grief sucks. It really does. And, still there have been so very many moments of beauty.

I’ve recently learned of the poetry of Andrea Gibson. (For those of you who don’t yet know of them, they are Colorado’s latest Poet Laureate. Simply remarkable - give a listen to their spoken word poems or read any of their books.)

But anyway, I heard Andrea on a podcast share that they are still especially close and connected to their grandma (who has passed.)

Andrea asked her if there was anything that hurt about being dead and their grandma replied:

“Only that the people who are still living don’t know that we’re not only still with them but that we are *more* with them than we were before.”

This took my breath away.

I love the idea of it – that Julie is not only still with us but that she is more with us than she was before…

Can you feel her?

Today would be a beautiful day to share a WGOG with someone you love.

Life is (still) beautiful. And good.

Love.

Stacy