If only I would have known what the next 12 hours would bring after our last post.

On Thursday, November 16, 2023 I woke up at 7:00 like normal and got ready for the day. My schedule was to have scans with the specialist on Mondays and Thursdays and they typically called for me between 7:45 – 8:00 am. I went ahead and made my coffee so it would be ready for me once I arrived back in my room and ate half a protein bar so James would show proper movements during the scan. If I’d learned anything it was that if I didn’t have food in my system, this child was not moving.

The specialist called for me around 8 am and they wheeled me over to my appointment. She began her routine scan and, one thing I didn’t know, and you may not either, is once your water has broken, ultrasounds are very grainy and hard to see. It’s like when you were at your grandparents’ house as a kid and flipped the TV to the wrong channel. So, other than checking a heartbeat, I couldn’t tell left from right on the screen. She did a quick scan then said she needed to get a doctor and she’d be right back.

She had never done this to us before, so I knew she saw something out of the ordinary. The doctor came in and said he was having a hard time seeing it on the screen and he wanted to do an actual exam. They could tell the baby was very low and breech and they couldn’t quite see where his feet were. I called Jared at 8:21 am while preparing for this because I knew we were about to get some news that I didn’t want to get alone. The doctor began his exam and quickly said “I feel feet, let’s go”. (um, I’m sorry, what?) The next 20ish minutes were surreal. Jared’s saying he’s on the way, we’re trying to navigate who he needs to call, where I’m even going, and I remember saying “I should probably tell my boss I’m not working today”. They wheeled in a stretcher and off we went to Labor & Delivery. Jared and I hung up at 8:28 am with him rushing out the door.

We ran through the hospital hallways (and into a few walls) and finally reached the OR. Different staff members were yelling different questions to me and saying we didn’t have time for me to change into a gown. (We later learned I am the first person they’ve heard of to have surgery in a sweatshirt LOL.) After all the yelling, I remember a girl leaning 2 inches from my face and she already had her sterile cap and mask on so all I could see were her eyes. She said ‘I need you to know that there is a large team of people in here ready to take care of your baby and there is another team here to take care of you. So, I need you to take some deep breaths and let us take care of you.’ That is the last thing I remember before waking up in recovery and seeing Jared. Since it was an emergency c-section, I had to be put under general anesthesia and so they wouldn’t allow Jared in the OR. He had to wait for an hour and a half alone until I came out of surgery. He said that wait was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do in his life. Aren’t we thankful for truth #3 – God never leaves us.

James’s delivery was a miracle. He wasn’t breathing when he was born and someone on the neonatology team performed chest compressions on him and was able to resuscitate him. (Jared made it his mission to figure out who that was, and we were able to meet her on Thanksgiving and give her a proper Thank You. I couldn’t think of anything we could have been more thankful for that day.) A few hours later, James decided to extubate himself and we had a bit of fun all over again. Since then, he has removed his feeding tube 6 times, removed his leads daily, and we are constantly losing temp probes. One of the neonatologists said James is a very ‘active participant’ in his care. He is a feisty baby, and that trait is serving him well.

God knew that James would come early, and God prepared James to come early. A 2-pound baby that was able to start breathing with minimal support after 24 hours. A 2-pound baby that began handling feedings on day 2 when we were told no earlier than day 8. A 2-pound baby that is performing all functions that he should not have to do for another 12 weeks.   

One thing God has been teaching me over the last two weeks is about trusting his timing. I always associate with trusting his timing with something that I feel like I’m waiting for. Waiting until 36 to get married. Waiting until 38 to go through the IVF process to get pregnant at 39. But that’s only half of trusting his timing. That also means trusting him when things happen much sooner than we think they should or expect them to. We fully expected to wait until 34 weeks and deliver James in late December…but God’s timing was sooner and trusting his timing means trusting that delivering a 28 week and 1 day baby was right.

We are currently settling in to a new normal of life here in the NICU. Jared has gone back to work so I spend the days here and Jared comes up for the evenings. They have started letting me hold James in the morning and Jared hold him in the evenings and it is our most favorite time of day. We are thankful for the time we get but, to be honest, it’s different than how we envisioned parenthood starting out. When our baby gets fussy, we can’t just pick him up. When it’s time for bed, we have to leave our baby here. When we wake up in the morning, we must shower, brush teeth, eat breakfast, and drive 20 minutes before we’re able to see our baby. We gave James the middle name of Samuel after the story of Hannah and Samuel in 1 Samuel 1. I read that story over and over again while we were going through IVF as a reminder that God hears my prayers and I wasn’t the first woman to ask God for a child. I joked that the difference was Hannah committed to give him back to the Lord as a toddler and I didn’t know if I could do that. However, Jared and I have a child that we are not equipped to provide for his needs right now. Our child needs respiratory support, to be fed through a feeding tube, to be kept in a temperature controlled isolette, and if we were to take James home and care for him as best as parents can, that would not be enough for him. James needs more. So, we are learning how to turn him over, how to trust the Lord through this season, and how to draw from the grace he gives us daily to sustain us and strengthen us…and to depend solely on his grace all over again tomorrow.

Thank you for praying for us and our son. I genuinely mean it when I say we feel a comfort and peace from the Lord that is a direct answer to your prayers. James has continued to grow and strengthen which is another answer to your prayers. Our journey is not over, but we are extremely humbled with how you have chosen to journey with us so far. We thank God everyday for all of you, those that we know are praying and those that we don’t even know by name. There is nothing more humbling than knowing there are people out there petitioning the Lord on our behalf. He is a good God.

Specific prayer requests now:

• Thanking the Lord for James and for the Lord’s sovereignty on November 16, 2023
• For James to continue growing and gain weight
• For James’s respiratory system to continue developing and strengthening
• For Jared and I to figure out what the best normal routine is
• For Jared and I to have a daily reliance on the Lord’s strength and not our own

God is good.

God is in control.

God never leaves us.