The big news today is that Joshua’s bloodwork levels are so poor, they asked him to not take the last dose of chemo. I’m currently sitting at the pharmacy trying to fill an order for two different kinds of antibiotic. Thankfully, he seems okay just really, really, really tired. 

I hit a wall last Sunday. I freely admit, I cried the big ugly cry. It was a relief. It’s been several weeks since my last big, ugly cry. I can only be so strong for so long. What is needed of me right now, by so many people, is overwhelming. So I took a few days off work to recover. It took the edge off today, but I still haven’t stopped moving and doing since I woke up. It’s all day, everyday - intense. Trying to figure out forms, make appointments, manage prescriptions, school, work. I feel like I write this every week. It just all continues to be too much and so much of it I have to do myself. It is extra hard when Joshua feels so unwell. He needs extra care, extra runs to the pharmacy, extra coordination for appointments. It’s hard to keep giving when you are all tapped out. And, I don’t sleep well when I am so worried about him. 

My meds are ready, off to the next thing that has to be done.