Hello friends.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, "a religious and cultural holiday celebrating those of Irish descent", according to Wikipedia. That makes me think about "The Troubles" and the persistent schism in the Irish community as well as the warming weather and the emerging season of new life.

Last week, the lawn crew came by to trim the hedges as they wanted to shape the garden before all the new growth of spring emerges. In a few hours, they pruned all the old growth that distracted from each elements' individual shape. The result is a collection of well-defined individuals gathered together into a cohesive whole. While the process looks violent, it is an act of love to prevent the plants from becoming entangled and to protect the little ones from the dominance of the bigger ones. Cue, The Trees.

Thankfully, Wendy and I are back on track and focused on restoration and recovery. I feel like I have an understanding of how I got here and have supports in place to help me through a spring of new growth. Now, my challenge is to build enough self-worth to buoy me through the difficult parts of redefining my place in Wendy's life, in her social community and to develop my own identity in the world.

I am regretful for my part in the recent drama and realizing how counterproductive some of my efforts at connection with Wendy were. That leaves me feeling pretty lonely as I have been determined to blaze my own trail through life in solitude. I'm reasonably confident that Wendy and I will be able to work through lingering resentments, but I am fearful of what that will look like within her social network. When we separated, I lost connection with everyone in "our" tribe and realized that abdicating my responsibility for filling my social needs to Wendy left me with no support when she left. That was a really hard realization to accept.

Today I am choosing to be grateful for grace and forgiveness and to trust that my loving gardener will prune me as aggressively as necessary so that I can fill my place in this glorious creation and the next.