I have very vivid and intense dreams. 

I often remember my dreams very clearly the next day. They feel so real.

I remember sleep was such a happy place for me. Because I would have dreams of us playing games at Barcadia together, at a brewery, at a park, traveling, etc. You didn't have cancer. You were healthy. My brain still hadn't processed or accepted that you had cancer. That you weren't the same person you were before. And that you never would be the same again.

**You'd keep your sarcasm, spunk, and sass to the bitter end, don't get me wrong. But your awareness, abilities - mental and physical, and strength were distinctly affected.

Only a few months ago was the first time I ever had a dream where you were sick and had cancer in it. We were in Canada...lost... and I was trying my best to take care of you. Trying to make sure you didn't get lost or didn't fall. It kinda reminded me of when we went to Greece last summer. Your tumor had some growth so your mental abilities weren't 100%. I found out once we landed in Greece that you never set up your phone to work internationally... so the only time you would be connected was when were on Wifi. So (with John's knowledge and okay), I put an air-tag on him. This way, he could have a little more freedom, but I could also be able to see where the heck he was in Greece lol. 

The dream was similar to our experience in Greece.

But I remember waking up feeling so sad. I used to wake up feeling so happy until reality hit that my dreams were just that...dreams. But now, it seemed my dreams were catching up with reality. Hate that.

I've had one dream since you passed in which you were also deceased in my dream. I woke up feeling like I had been crying all night long. Maybe, I had. Who knows for sure?

But I sure do hope when you visit me in my dreams, you are healthy and well. And we are having a blast at a sports game or travelling or whatever. Anything.  

If I can't have my brother physically with me in this world, I'd like to have the best of our memories in my dreams.