On Friday, February 15th, John was out shoveling and had a bad dizzy spell. He came in to sit down but the spells continued in waves, with him breaking into a sweat each time. Being flu season, we thought he was maybe catching something. Throughout the weekend, the waves of sweat and lightheadedness continued, he slept a lot, had little appetite, and had a bit of a headache. That Monday he went to Urgent Care to be checked out. The fatigue he was feeling and the odd sweats got us thinking he may have another blood clot. (He'd had two so far.) They did an EKG and other tests, and ruled out a stroke or heart attack. The only thing that came back a bit off was his INR (blood thickness level, it was a bit thin). This could have been due to his lack of appetite or something else. We headed home to let it run its course, again thinking it was a touch of a virus of some sort or a blood level issue.
By February 22nd the symptoms had changed. Over the span of just a few days, he began to have waves of tears for no reason at all, memory issues and confusion. By God's grace, we were able to get in to see a doctor we've known for years from church. Dr. Stuart ran more tests, we all talked at length, and as a precaution he sent John on for an MRI of his head, just to rule things out. The MRI revealed an abnormality on his left temporal lobe. He was sent to the emergency room at North Memorial Hospital to have a spinal tap to figure out what was going on. He was admitted to NMH that same evening and spent the next four nights in the hospital undergoing tests.
By Tuesday, February 26th, he was released from the hospital. Most of his symptoms had subsided, other than some ongoing short term memory issues, which seemed to also be improving. NMH and Mayo test results showed they had "ruled out all of the bad stuff". He was sent home without an actual diagnosis, stating it was likely some abnormality but it wasn't all that uncommon. He was to follow up with his neurologist (Dr. Ostrander) and have another scan in 30 days. Life went back to "normal" with only a few episodes of short term memory issues each day. His next neurology appointment went well and he was told the memory issues should just continue to improve with time. As we got closer to the next MRI we suspected the spot on the lobe was still going to be there but it would be smaller (at least we hoped so). John was cleared to be able to take a golf trip with some friends March 28-April 1, and Matlyn and I were able to travel to FL for a late 16th birthday gift (April 1-6).
On Sunday morning, April 7, less than 24 hours after we returned home, I heard an odd sound from downstairs and then a loud crash. I ran down to see him lying on the floor having a grand mal seizure. I screamed for Matlyn who was still in her room. As I held him, she called 911, and grew up fast. She stayed on the line until police arrived, followed by the ambulance. By the time he got into the ambulance 30 minutes later he was conscious and able to communicate and answer questions. He spent the rest of the day in the ER, receiving anti-seizure meds and another MRI. The results showed the mass in his left temporal lobe had grown a bit. He was released that same evening, scary as it was. He was directed to follow up with his neurologist as soon as possible and have a biopsy.
God went before us, opening doors for appointments throughout the whole week. He got in with Dr. Ostrander the next day, and even though he said it could take weeks to get appointments, John was able to get in to see Dr. Feldkamp, a neurosurgeon, in just three days, who then scheduled a biopsy. (In the meantime, John is on anti-seizure meds for life and his driving privileges have been taken away for at least 90 days due to the seizure.)
The biopsy took place on Monday, April 15th. Results have shown that the mass is continuing to change and grow. The only blessing in that is that with the bigger contrast spot, Dr. Feldkamp felt he was able to extract an area that contains the most dangerous cells. The following morning John was told he had been diagnosed with Primary CNS Lymphoma. HOWEVER, later that afternoon, one marker in the test returned showing it might not actually be a lymphoma. So, now we wait... on test results, the doctors, and on the Lord. Doctors have indicated that it's likely very serious, but we do not know much more, other than the fact that whatever this is, it is inoperable due to the fact that it's in a very dangerous area, touching the hippocampus and amygdala.
Our God goes before us in this, He already knows the diagnosis, He knows what the future holds and He knew about this battle we'd be facing as a family long ago. We covet your prayers right now for patience and strength, and ask our ALL MIGHTY God's healing upon John.
Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
It's already been 3.5 months since we said goodbye to John... it's so very hard to believe how fast time goes. I just wanted to stop by to say we're doing well and have truly started to find our new normal (as much as any of us can in this environment of COVID and everything else going on.)
We were blessed to be able to sell the house and move to a beautiful one level detached townhome just a few miles north. It's been a healing move for both Matlyn and me (and yes, even the dog) and it's truly given us a fresh start.
As I've gone through boxes the last few weeks, memories and feelings have surfaced and tears have flowed, but I know this is all a part of the grieving process. I remain so thankful to God for never leaving our side and He continues to go ahead of us into the future. I am so glad to know that our future is in His hands and with every tear and every memory, He remains our Comforter, our Sustainer and our Joy. I can't imagine having done the last years without Jesus. I truly don't know how we'd have made it through. I'm so thankful for all of the friends and family who He placed in our lives to help us through. I am eternally grateful to each of you.
So now, as routines start to come back for all of us, please don't forget to make time for your family and for others. Watch the sunset, share a smile or a kind word, put down your phone and look your kids and your spouse in the eye. Talk with them. Love them. Appreciate what you have, because in the blink of eye, everything you think you know about your life can change. There's so much bad going on in the world right now, but that doesn't mean we have to live like it. We each have a purpose and it's usually a whole lot more about loving and helping others than it is about our own agenda or increasing our wallet. Live each day intentionally. I'm certainly going to try harder to do that as I redefine who it is I am in this new stage of life.
God be with you guys.
Love, Melisa
If you're looking for some inspiration, here's a great message from Eagle Brook:
Patients and caregivers love hearing from you; add a comment to show your support.
Help John Stay Connected to Family and Friends
A $25 donation to CaringBridge powers a site like John's for two weeks. Will you make a gift to help ensure that this site stays online for them and for you?
