As many of you may know, John's battle with cancer ended on January 14th. Oh how I miss him! He fought so hard. Did everything that was asked of him to rid his body of it. I remember him saying he was angry because he did so and this is where he ended up. A journey like this has so many emotions.

A week prior to his death he told me "Maybe it want be much longer, he was tired of suffering ". You could see it in his face and body. He was ready to meet his Lord and Savior. Everything just happened so fast. He passed from liver failure because cancer had invaded his bones. This was a kinder death for him. As he was taking his last breathes, I sang to him. One of the few times he couldn't oppose. Lol. That's ok. I'm not that bad.

Now as things go on without him, there are days..nights..hours..minutes that I replay our times together.  I feel like a basket case because I cry so much. The professionals and others tell me this is normal. Keeping busy is helpful. It's the quiet times that get you. But during those times I hear the sweet words of the Lord comforting me. He'll never leave me or forsake me. No matter how I neglect him by not reading and studying his word as much as I should.

There is so much to get in order after a death.  Not only his affairs but mine. Loss of income, loss of good insurance,  now I have to go on full Medicare. So thankful we started downsizing a year ago and  making some changes then. My to do list doesn't seem to have a end in sight. I do know we had dreams of traveling in our camper. We got in about 4 trips before he got too sick. So as soon as things settle im planning the next one. I know he would want me to go on and catch that next big fish for him. He'll travel with me but in a different way.

I love you my darling. I'll see you again one day