I am sitting down to write this update unsure of what I really want to say.  But I know two things: I've been wanting to post something for quite some time now, and I have a limited amount of time to do so with Anabelle just down for a nap :)

Tomorrow marks two months since my mom left this world.  Part of me thinks that it's crazy that it's been so long, as there are days when I forget she's not here, and I almost pick up the phone to call her, and the other part of me feels like she's already been gone for a very long time.  Either way, it's hard.  Most days I think I'm doing well, and then there are days, or sometimes just moments, that I'm really sad.  I miss her so much.  She was such an amazing woman, not to mention my mom and best friend.  And I hate that I have to use the past tense in that sentence :( It makes me so aware that the time we have with our loved ones is so precious - let's not take it for granted, ok?

But like I said at her memorial service - it's only sad for us.  I have to remind myself of that all.the.time! That's something I struggle with when people who didn't know she passed away find out.  They'll ask me how my mom is doing, and I make a sad face and sadly explain that she passed away.  But what I wish I would do is say, "She's healed! She doesn't have cancer any more!" and go on to explain that she's in heaven where she is healed and whole and made new! Because that is what I know to be true - and honestly, that makes all the difference in the world for me.  I have my sad days/moments, but I always end up reminding myself that my mom is now better than she's ever been before.  Happier, healthier, more free - just perfect! And in the presence of our perfect Father.  I know it's good and right and natural for me to grieve and to be sad, but I am so thankful that my mom's story didn't end on May 12th.  She is now writing a whole new story, and one day I'll get to hear it and see her again.

I am so thankful for how her memorial service went and how many people attended! Slowly but surely I was able to read all of the Caring Bridge and Facebook messages, and the emails and cards.  I still haven't read the notes you wrote on her guest book pages at the memorial service.  I am going to put those pages in a book, so I will read them when I get a chance to do that.  But I want to thank you all for your love, support, prayers, encouraging words, etc regarding my mom's passing.  And for the many hot air balloon gifts :) God really used those things to minister to me and get me back on my feet and ready to welcome our little girl into the world.

Speaking of, our little girl is almost six weeks old :) We are doing really well, and starting to get into the groove of things and learn our daughter's personality, likes, and dislikes.  She is a really sweet and active baby! And she's so strong! She's been holding her head up for weeks now and she loves to kick and move her arms around and watch the world around her.  The general consensus is that she looks a little more like me than Josh, and people have also said she has my mom's eyes, except Anabelle's are blue and my mom's were green.  But they are bright and beautiful eyes that shine like my mom's, and it is certainly my prayer that Anabelle would see the world as her Grandma Jo did :)

I'm attaching a picture of Anabelle that we took at the hospital.  Right before we left, we showed her Grandma Jo's picture, and read her the prayer that my mom wrote for her.  The little Winnie the Pooh was a gift from my mom that I absolutely loved (cute and tiny little Pooh!), and my mom absolutely loved seeing my reaction to receiving the gift, so it's a special little stuffed animal :) It was a really sweet moment to get to introduce our daughter to her grandma, and to get to pray my mom's prayer over her.  I have prayed that prayer over Anabelle several times since, and I know we will have lots of moments of sharing with Anabelle the woman that her grandma was, and how much she loved our little girl and prayed for her before she was born!

Thank you for reading.  Please continue to pray for my brothers and me as we continue to process the fact that our mom isn't here.  Pray that we are reminded of and comforted by the fact that she is in heaven and we will one day see her again. 

Marni