Dear Friends and Family:

We hear stories all the time of people—first responders, combat soldiers, next door neighbors— charging into situations, sometimes to their own peril, with the intention of saving someone who is in danger. Few of us have the opportunity to be on the receiving end; but I am one of the few.

You might remember that early on in Karen’s and my trip through diagnosis and treatment for bone marrow failure, I introduced you to my unknown stem cell donor, who Karen affectionately named “Dudley.” Dudley Do-Right was the famous cartoon Canadian Mountie who would charge into situations of danger with the intention of saving someone’s life. Due to the protocols of the BeTheMatch organization, which governs the donor registry process, both donors and recipients must remain anonymous to each other for at least the first year post-transplant. This is to guard against possible emotional injury to those involved, in case the recipient does not survive the transplant and recovery. On my 1st anniversary, I completed the needed paperwork with BTM to release my contact information to “Dudley.” Months went by, and we heard no response, and when we were told that he was no longer in the BTM registry, we were resigned to the possibility of never knowing our donor’s true identity. To us....he remained “Dudley.”

Recently, my coordinator at UTSW told me that she had received “Dudley’s” contact information, meaning that we could now contact him. Ready? ...Wait for it...drum roll please.. “Dudley” is really “Ryan,” and he lives in Ontario, and he’s 29 years old, and he’s married to Jasmine, and... he’s very special to me. Finally connecting a real name to a real person, I sat down to write my introduction....but I could only stare at the keyboard...and stare at the keyboard... and.....stare......at.......the............keyboard. Suddenly my brain connected with my fingers, and I wrote: “Dear Ryan. This is a letter that I hoped someday to be writing, though never sure it would come to pass. Now that I’m writing, I’m at a loss for words, just thinking about the enormity of the convergence of circumstances that enable us—anonymously—to share a bond that few people in the world have the privilege of having. My name is Joe Griffin, and I’m the one whose life you literally saved by your unselfish act of donating your stem cells...” Attached were family pictures, and samples from Faith and Robert’s wedding.

It took less than a day for Ryan to respond with a long, and detailed letter giving parts of his “back story.” To honor his privacy, I won’t share all that he wrote, but I feel that excerpted parts will help to describe what kind of character this young man has.

“Dear Joe and Karen,
It’s a great joy to finally be in touch. My wife, Jasmine, is included since she was also there throughout this journey and kept me strong when I was scared. I don’t need to tell you how much of a difference having somebody beside you can make, so to Karen and to Jasmine, I can only say thank you, with all the love in the world...It wasn’t until January 2019 that I was even allowed to ask after the status of your wellbeing. After asking, I then received an email in February that said ‘We received an update from the Transplant Centre. Your recipient is alive and doing well.’

I was in tears and in a heap on the floor. Some people choose not to reveal themselves, but knowing that you were well was such a gift and I couldn’t imagine not wanting to know how you were doing and who you were after that small update....Most importantly, however, the relief I feel for knowing you could be at your daughter’s wedding is beyond words, especially since the donation was only weeks after our own wedding.

But from you and from this experience, I’ve inherited a deep, visceral sense of humility and gratitude for life. This is because this experience enabled me to make good on a promise I made. I got swabbed to join the registry in 2010 one day while on campus, just thinking it might be a good thing to do. But when my best friend’s dad (a second father to me) was diagnosed with leukemia a few years ago, I remember walking through the woods at the park he hired me to work at, talking to the trees and wishing I could get a call saying I was the match that could save him, and keep him in my life for even just a little bit longer. I promised the trees he planted that I’d give anything to keep him around. My wish was not granted and he passed away. It felt like an unfulfilled promise... but then I got a call a couple years later on the day after we returned to Canada from England for a short time so that we could get married at home. The voice on the phone said I was a match for somebody that needed help.

I was allowed to keep my promise, at least in some way. Thank you for that, Joe. Thank you for giving me the chance to do and be good, and for the humility and gratitude I have learned from this experience.”

We have exchanged more letters since the initial greetings, and the feeling for me is akin to going out on a first date....(not that I’ve done that in many, many years.) We’re both filling in some blanks as we compare experiences in “real life.” Thinking about that, I relayed this to Ryan: “I’m more kin to you (by blood) than I am to our three daughters, or my only sibling (older sister, Penny). If I were to get my DNA checked by 23&Me, I’d be a “mutt.” The test results might mess up the 23&Me computer algorithms so much it might leave them all fried. In a weird “sci-fi” surreal juxtaposition, you are in the age range to be my son, but at the same time, you are more blood kin to me than my “natural” daughters, and you donated your blood DNA like a father would pass on his inheritance to an off-spring. Try to wrap your head around that one for a while.”

So here we are...finally on arrival with the Dudley/Ryan reveal, and just to know that all of you who have been with us, are part of this, too. It is a privilege that we get to share with you; Ryan’s and Jasmine’s and Karen’s and my joy!

Soul Vitamin for the Day: “Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning” Psalm 30:5b