2020 was a challenging year for most. The pandemic, economic difficulties, and social restrictions affected lives and families. Some had a great 2020 and felt blessed by how their family maneuvered through the challenges. Like many families, we fell somewhere in the mix of what in the world, and now what?

One economic area that wasn't affected by the pandemic was the housing market. John and I decided to sell our home and worked through the summer to prepare it to list.  We purchased a TN property and looked forward to building our forever retirement home on the Cumberland Plateau.

After completing home improvement tasks and downsizing our belongings, we were ready to list and did so on Mon. Oct. 26, 2020. We received an offer eight hours later and accepted it the following day. We were excited about the plans ahead. We were on our way to a new and exciting adventure!

Donate, give away, trash. Reducing the number of belongings we owned was our objective. We had to pack for long-term storage while setting aside a few items to take with us during our travels to visit family and friends before settling down in TN. 

One of the things we loved about living in Oshkosh was the health care providers that we had. We had the best Internist in the city, and John had wonderful specialized doctors that provided exceptional care. Before moving, we wanted to complete our annual checkups and appointments. My annual checkup in Sept was unbelievably positive. I had been on the Keto way of eating since May 1st, 2020, and had lost a substantial amount of weight. The weight loss was a side benefit of all of the other benefits received. I was no longer prediabetic, and I had endless energy and greater focus than I'd had in years. My doctor was impressed and thrilled with the results of my bloodwork.

My annual mammogram was scheduled for Wed. Nov. 18th. I've always had incredibly dense breasts, so it wasn't uncommon for me to have to go through two screenings or to be called back for an additional test because of that denseness. I felt that this test might be a little different, however. Since the weight loss, I felt a mass that I'd never felt before since starting Keto. I informed the technician about my concern, and she marked the area for the additional observance. Once my mammogram was completed, she informed me that she wanted the Radiologist to see the scans right away.  Upon her return, she stated that the Radiologist wanted me to have an ultrasound of the right breast and right axillary lymph nodes. Once that was completed, the Radiologist entered the room and presented her findings.

A mass was seen on the ultrasound, confirming the findings of the mammogram. The Radiologist scheduled me for a double hollow core biopsy the following day of the mass and enlarged axillary lymph nodes. I felt a flood of peace from God that didn't align with the findings and nestled into that peace and assurance that God had already gone before me. I could rest in His care. I was okay.

Thursday. Nov. 19, 2020

I arrived for my biopsy and waited to be seen. The clinic was backed up due to a staff shortage from the pandemic. This just seemed to fit into all things 2020.

Once in the examination room, I was able to watch the biopsies take place. Frankly, I was a bit shocked by the size of the mass and lymph nodes. Those things were really in me? How rude! This wasn't something new, but rather something that was deceptively hidden in my body for years. This didn't belong in my body. These killer cells were invaders that needed to go! Since the mass was extremely palpable, I wanted to grab it and rip it out of my chest. We needed to eliminate the intruder! 

After the procedure, the Radiologist said that I probably wouldn't receive the results until Mon. seeing that they had to be sent to Milwaukee. I left the clinic feeling at peace and headed home to pack. The movers were scheduled to arrive on Fri. Dec. 11, and we were to close on the house on the 14th.  There was much to be done. 

Friday, Nov. 20, 2020

I made an arrangement to run some donated items down to a friend's ministry in Brookfield and it was a beautiful day for a drive. Unexpectantly, I received the phone call from my Nurse Navigator regarding my test results when I neared the end of my drive. At 1:37 PM, I learned that I had breast cancer in my right breast and right axillary nodes. We had a lengthy conversation. I arrived at the drop-off destination and took a deep breath before calling John. He learned about the cancer at 1:52 PM.

It wasn't the news we were hoping for and I could tell John was shaken. I phoned my mother next. Earlier at 11:11 AM, I shared with my friend, Michelle, that I was living out Phillipians 4:7, adding that I truly sensed God's peace amid the chaos.  I contacted my dear friend, Carolyn, who is my longest Christian friend of 35 years, at 2:02 PM. Carolyn lived through breast cancer and knew that I would need a place to live to go through treatment. Being homeless wasn't an option. 

Once home, I found John struggling with his emotions. He was allowing himself to feel the reality of the diagnosis. He knew I wasn't well and there was nothing he could do about it. I was still feeling an elevated level of confidence and hope. Not in myself, mind you, but in the Lord. I KNEW God was in control. I KNEW that this didn't surprise Him. And I knew He was Jehovah Rapha, God my Healer. He could take something that was harmful and turn it into good. My confidence was in Him.

I noticed an email from my Aurora account and opened it. The diagnostic report was available so I printed it off. I never should have looked at it before going to bed.

Sat. Nov. 21, 2020

The pathology report from the right breast biopsy read: Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. The report from the axillary lymph nodes read Positive for Metastatic Carcinoma.

Metastatic Carcinoma.

Incurable Cancer.

God ... I don't want to die.