Journal entry by Donna Placio —
Update from Jim #2
So it’s been two weeks since the surgery and over a week since I’ve been home. Appreciating all the messages in various forms even if I haven’t called or written you back.
The pain still remains much more manageable than 10 years ago. In some ways, it’s almost worse that there isn’t as much pain because my brain (or lack of a brain) has be convinced I’m capable of “doing” like I’m healed. And that’s far from true and humbling at times. Lydia recently started playing soccer and I tried to kick it around with her and within 2-3 minutes I was “spent”, sweating and huffing and puffing. Walks around the neighborhood usually lead to 2-3 hour naps. And each sleep is usually accompanied with enormous sweating in my chest as my body is working on overdrive to heal. But all in all, it’s not “so bad” having to take a couple of naps a day.
I’d say the biggest lesson I’m continuing to learn is how much I identify as a “human DOING” as opposed to a “human BEING”. Donna has had to bear the brunt of my moodiness around not being able to do things (cleaning around the house, reading, working on writing, etc, etc). For the vast majority of my life I’ve been able to “push” myself to “go go go” and get loads of projects and tasks done. In the past two weeks I’ve haven’t even gotten to page 200 in a book (The Autobiography of a Yogi...which is really good and really pushes on this whole theme). But I’m sure as I get more strength each day I’ll get a little further. And I’m trying to pause and remember that this time in stillness when the world is busy moving forward is actually a gift as opposed to a curse.
I do think there’s a valuable lesson for me in all of this. At the end of it all, the things we tend to obsess about aren’t really that important. The best parts of my day are the hugs I get from Donna and the girls and the times our new puppy climbs up in my chair and snuggles up next to me while I nap. Most of my little projects are just really not all that important. But they still remain things I’m attached to, and our attachments tend to be the source of our suffering.
In closing, one of my favorite authors and spiritual teachers (Ram Dass) points to this lesson I’m pointing at in a YouTube clip from an interview on BBC in 1981. As he puts it, there isn’t much of a difference between a prison and a monastery. Both give you a cell, food, clothing and instructions on what to do all day. Yet the difference often lies in the perception of “choice” or lack of “choice” in how you got there. As Ram Dass points out, rather than suffering through the experience by obsessing about how you got there, use your “time” to get free of “time”. So, the parallel for me is to simply welcome this experience of “forced rest” and savor it versus resisting it. Yet, when you are in the thick of it, all by yourself for a few hours on a weekday afternoon, it’s easy to start resisting what is. And that’s my work.
Love and appreciation to all of you. 🙏🏻
P.S. here’s a link to the clip from Ram Dass I referenced before. The whole thing is great (as is part 1) but the bit on prison comes just after the 2:45 minute mark.
https://youtu.be/E7Yri6YvFmI
So it’s been two weeks since the surgery and over a week since I’ve been home. Appreciating all the messages in various forms even if I haven’t called or written you back.
The pain still remains much more manageable than 10 years ago. In some ways, it’s almost worse that there isn’t as much pain because my brain (or lack of a brain) has be convinced I’m capable of “doing” like I’m healed. And that’s far from true and humbling at times. Lydia recently started playing soccer and I tried to kick it around with her and within 2-3 minutes I was “spent”, sweating and huffing and puffing. Walks around the neighborhood usually lead to 2-3 hour naps. And each sleep is usually accompanied with enormous sweating in my chest as my body is working on overdrive to heal. But all in all, it’s not “so bad” having to take a couple of naps a day.
I’d say the biggest lesson I’m continuing to learn is how much I identify as a “human DOING” as opposed to a “human BEING”. Donna has had to bear the brunt of my moodiness around not being able to do things (cleaning around the house, reading, working on writing, etc, etc). For the vast majority of my life I’ve been able to “push” myself to “go go go” and get loads of projects and tasks done. In the past two weeks I’ve haven’t even gotten to page 200 in a book (The Autobiography of a Yogi...which is really good and really pushes on this whole theme). But I’m sure as I get more strength each day I’ll get a little further. And I’m trying to pause and remember that this time in stillness when the world is busy moving forward is actually a gift as opposed to a curse.
I do think there’s a valuable lesson for me in all of this. At the end of it all, the things we tend to obsess about aren’t really that important. The best parts of my day are the hugs I get from Donna and the girls and the times our new puppy climbs up in my chair and snuggles up next to me while I nap. Most of my little projects are just really not all that important. But they still remain things I’m attached to, and our attachments tend to be the source of our suffering.
In closing, one of my favorite authors and spiritual teachers (Ram Dass) points to this lesson I’m pointing at in a YouTube clip from an interview on BBC in 1981. As he puts it, there isn’t much of a difference between a prison and a monastery. Both give you a cell, food, clothing and instructions on what to do all day. Yet the difference often lies in the perception of “choice” or lack of “choice” in how you got there. As Ram Dass points out, rather than suffering through the experience by obsessing about how you got there, use your “time” to get free of “time”. So, the parallel for me is to simply welcome this experience of “forced rest” and savor it versus resisting it. Yet, when you are in the thick of it, all by yourself for a few hours on a weekday afternoon, it’s easy to start resisting what is. And that’s my work.
Love and appreciation to all of you. 🙏🏻
P.S. here’s a link to the clip from Ram Dass I referenced before. The whole thing is great (as is part 1) but the bit on prison comes just after the 2:45 minute mark.
https://youtu.be/E7Yri6YvFmI
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