One last post....I intend to take this down now; if I can figure out how.  Not my expertise. Jim's.  But, it is time.  I am figuring out, I'm not going to "get over this".  It's not that easy.  

I got this in the mail from one of Jim's co-workers and a distant relative of mine:

"I had my own notion of grief...  I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love.  And you had to push through it to get to the other side.  But, I have learned, there is no other side.  There is no pushing through.  Rather, there is Absorption, Adjustment, Acceptance!  And grief is not something you complete, but rather you Endure.  Grief is not a task to finish and move on.  But an element of yourself.  And alteration of your being.  A new way of seeing.  A new definition."

~Author Unknown

Not the words I wanted to hear but very true. 

Please don't feel obligated to continue reading.  This could be long. 

We have received so much support from so many people.  It has been amazing.   I, and we, thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.  But at the end of the day, everyone goes home.  As it should be.  And there is quiet, there is loneliness, there is the clock ticking, the TV to drown out the quiet.   I have had an amazing support group and still do.  But it doesn't change the circumstances.  At the end of the day my very BEST friend isn't here.   I have tons of people here to give me what I need.  I wish I knew what I needed.

The clothes still hang in the closet, the shaving cream is still on the counter, sometimes his phone rings.  Friends and family call to check on me and the kids.  But a phone conversation takes a few minutes out of a 24 hour day.  And I don't know what to say.  Nothing has changed and yet everything has changed.  The mail still arrives.  The garbage truck comes by once a week.  The bills didn't stop.  Groceries need to be picked up, the dog needs fed.  These are all things that keep me busy and I am thankful for them. 

Our family wants to thank all of you for walking with us through our journey.  I know Jim appreciated hearing from you even when he wasn't strong enough to respond.  He had such a will to live and so many plans.  While we know we do not walk alone; our biggest supporter, confidant, and love isn't here to help us manage this overwhelming pain.

May God bless each and every one of you and keep you.  You are all angels.

I leave you with this final thought:

"The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched.  They must be felt with the heart"

~Helen Keller