The hard part really started when we got home from Mississippi. We got the pain meds figured out which was a win, but all of a sudden, my stomach wasn’t taking the formula anymore. I came home and started violently throwing up everything in my stomach. As soon as I would finish a feeding, and sometimes in the middle of a feeding, something would trigger my stomach to reject everything that was in it. One day, in the middle of a feeding, siting on my couch like I am now, my cat Chicken (yes that’s her name) was sitting on my lap, and it came out of nowhere...I started projectile vomiting all over my blanket, and all over poor Chicken. It happened so fast that even my cat didn’t have time to run away until I had thrown up on her twice. Brian had to chase her down and wrap her in a towel to wash her off. Now, you are either grossed out, laughing, or both...I hope you are laughing! I told a dear friend of mine the story and a few days later, she brought me the funniest gift ever...a cat raincoat for the next time I throw up on one of my cats! That makes me laugh every time I look at it! You have to laugh or you will cry sometimes. So laughter it is! 

On a more serious note, the vomiting was getting so frequent, I was loosing more weight, and was getting dehydrated. That became the routine for about a week or two. Attempt to get a feeding in, take my meds through the feeding tube, throw it all up, and then when there wasn’t anything left to throw up, wretch over and over, cry, then lay down and hope to sleep until the nausea wore off. Then we would attempt it again. We were finally able to talk to a nutritionist at MDA who explained to us that this is all typical in the weeks after radiation finished. She told us that my body is trying to heal the burns in my throat so it is producing an excess of mucus to coat my throat sores. And on top of that, I’m not making any saliva, so all I have is this gross thick rope-like mucus in my mouth and throat, and if I swallow it, it upsets my stomach, which is what is making me throw up. It was good to find out WHY I was throwing up. Next was to figure out what to do about it. The nutritionist told us to take Mucinex to help thin out the mucus that my body was producing. She also switched me to a different formula that’s supposed to be easier to digest, with the instructions to drip it very very slowly so as not to upset my stomach further. She also told us to get Pedialyte and use that in the feeding tube daily to help keep me hydrated. There was a big scare the other day that if this wasn’t under control, I’d have to come back to MDA for IV fluids, or to stay in the hospital, which I absolutely did NOT want to have to do again. So, Dad and Brian went to the store to get Mucinex and Pedialyte, Mom gave me my meds and changed my bed linens because she’s the good nurse that she is, and I tried to keep from vomiting again.  

Her directions worked...I haven’t thrown up since we made those changes, thank You God! I really really hate throwing up. But now we are at the “Monotony of Groundhog Day”. Again, I know I shouldn’t complain, so many people have it way worse, but this is my “way worse”. Every day we get up, put my meds in the med part of the feeding tube, get the morning feeding set up by the couch, hook me up, I get out my coloring book (it’s gotten a lot of use the past 2 weeks!), we put on a show, and I watch the flow of the feeding to make sure it’s not too fast. When that’s done, I disconnect from the tube, I get dressed, and we try to either go for a short walk or get the mail, or run to HEB just to get out of the house. Then it’s time for meds #2, and feeding #2. So the meds go in the med part of the part of the feeding tube, get the second feeding set up by the couch, hook me up, I get out my coloring book again, we put on a show again, and I watch the flow of the feeding to make sure it’s not too fast. Then rinse and repeat for feeding #3, meds #3, etc. Then it’s bed time. Then we wake up and do it all over again. I know I sound bitter, and a part of me is fighting that off. I know this is necessary to keep me out of the hospital. I know it’s necessary to give my body the best possible chance of healing after all of the chemo and radiation. But I’m human, and it gets old, and I do get bitter, and it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Counting down the daily radiation treatments was tangible, this doesn’t feel tangible. 

The doctors’ also told us that just because treatments are complete it doesn’t mean that the tumor is gone, or that I’m cancer free yet. That was really discouraging. What we learned is that the tumor is like a weed in a garden, and the chemo and radiation were the weak killers we sprayed on the weed. But we didn’t pull the weed out (surgery). We had to spray it and now we have to sit back and wait for it to wither and die. That’s the phase we are in...the waiting phase. I’m SOOOOOO not good at waiting. But in July we will go back to MDA for all the scans to see if the tumor has been “eradicated”. I like that word...eradicated. That’s what we are waiting for. So in this waiting period, I humbly ask for your continued prayers of healing, and for patience for me. And I welcome any and all Bible verses right now that I can put up on my mirror, microwave, everywhere to help me remember that God is still in the middle of all of this, and that I CAN be patient and wait if it’s His will. 

Thank you all for your prayers and kind words. They mean so so much to me...more than you will ever know. 

Love, 

Jenni 🩷