I truly have the best intentions when it comes to updates, but then life gets in the way. I swear, I'm more busy NOW than I was while working. I have no idea how to keep these new habits up when I get back to my normal life, but I'm going to try my hardest.

Thursday was my Dr. follow-up day. Dr. Garcia was not in the office so I saw Dr. Barani (a new physician to me). Going into the meeting, I knew it may be the last time I could ask some of the things I needed answers to because I finish radiation on a Wednesday, not a Thursday. He and I talked quite a bit, but first, he assured me that he was well aware of my case, and has sat through meetings about me. Side note- I'm always so intrigued at how each physician I meet knows about me, especially at almost 3-months post-op. He assured me that my progress has been phenomenal, and that they are very optimistic in my recovery moving forward. I asked quite a few questions, some I've asked before, but hearing his perspective literally gave me LIFE! Leaving the appointment I felt like I was walking on clouds.

•  I asked him about the double vision that seems to have worsened over the past couple weeks. He said it was caused by inflammation of my optic nerve, and will resolve.
• I asked him about the visual testing that I did prior to radiation. He says that will definitely change, and most of it was caused by the trauma to my eye from surgery (which, by the way, that U shaped grayness in my field of vision that was there post-op, has since resolved!!!).
• I asked him about his thoughts on when I can get eyeglasses. He believes that with my current progression, it will be more like 6 months rather than a full year. Truth be known, I can see almost better than I did before surgery. 😁 
• He offered me information about the tumor growing in the future, he is quite confident it will not return.
• He further talks about how fortunate I am regarding my specific case, and that I've responded better than anticipated.

🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 🙌 

Now, hear me out... I was told it could grow back large enough for a repeat craniotomy in about 20 years. I've been trying not to think about it, but having gone through (and still going through) this part of the journey, I've been low-key stressing about doing all of this in the future (and in the sixth decade of my life 😳). I want nothing to do with it. I know these thoughts and emotions are premature, but the possibility of it has bothered me in the background. With that being said, I'm crazy hopeful that what he is saying is true, and that I won't be needing another surgery in the future.

I returned to radiation on Friday and told my radiation therapists how much it meant to speak with Dr. Barani. I shouldn't have been surprised by what they told me, but I learned that he is the chair of the Department of Radiation Oncology at St. Joe's. Of course he knew about me and had all the answers! I'm not saying Dr. Garcia didn't, because he did. I believe the way Dr. Barani opened the conversation, it led me to fire off questions differently than I had with Dr. Garcia, or that I was hearing them differently at this stage of my recovery. Either way, it was a great way to end my Dr. appointments!

When reflecting on what has happened since October 8, 2020, I don't know how to fully express myself on how blessed I feel that I was surrounded by some of the best physicians the State of Arizona has to offer. Through all of this, God wrapped his arms around me and guided me through everything, even though I couldn't see it. I'm human, but I never lost faith in His ability to heal me. I still have yet to see the tumor post radiation, but I'm moving forward believing that this tumor was put to rest. 

🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔🔔

I can't believe today is finally here! We made it to the VERY LAST DAY OF RADIATION!!!! 

With that being said, allow me to indulge on the many things I've learned about, thought of, and reflected on these past few months. In no particular order (but if I lose you, I moved some important ones to 1-5 that I want you to read):

1. Get those follow-up appointments scheduled that you've been putting off. That's what started this whole journey with me. 
2. Do the preventative screening. Get your mammograms and colonoscopies and whatever else you know you should based on personal and/or family history.
3. Don't put off taking care of yourself because you fear an answer. Early diagnosis and early treatment is promising. 
4. Download the app "GoodRX." When you're faced with an insanely priced medication (like ZOFRAN!), open that app and find where you can get it at a fraction of the cost (I'm talking $650 down to $12, and that's no exaggeration!).
5. DO NOT pay your deductible to a facility. Pay it down after your insurance determines your cost. They can't see that you paid the (in my case) over $6k, and you'll still be on the hook for payments that your insurance company determines are your responsibility.  
6. I have most definitely married up; Josh has seen me through every-single-day-of this chapter, in the most beautiful of ways.
7. Love goes infinitely deeper than the mere feeling of it.
8. No matter the size of the bump in the road; you will get through this. You were born to do this.
9. Family and Friends seeing you through toughest of times are truest forms of Angels on Earth.
10. Don’t ever, under any circumstances, let them go. ⬆️  And when you can, thank them for all they’ve done. 
11. I've met some of the most amazing caregivers that have inspired me to do better; to be better.
12. It's OK to be sad; just don't dwell in it because it robs you of potential joy.
13. Be proud of yourself for doing incredibly difficult things.
14. You are capable of far more than you believe.
15. When I thought I didn't have enough time in a day to do things that matter most to me, I realized how much time I've wasted on things that don't matter.
16. Teaching your child to read is an amazing feat.
17. I need to work harder on positive self talk with Addie.
18. I am not, nor will I ever be, a homeschool Mom. 
19. When God created me, he forgot to add *a little extra spice* of patience. (do you see a small trend here?)
20. Teaching your child to ride a bike is so much fun.
21. I'm still not a good cook.
22. Reading inspirational books during a recovery is quite helpful; it forces you to see things differently.
23. Priorities change during hard seasons of life, as they absolutely should.
24. We stress about trivial things and don't even realize it until faced with "big" things.  No matter what, stressing doesn't make situations better, it creates anxiety within you. Destress!
25. Don't put off things you want to do, because one day you might not be able to. Get to it!
26. Get that life insurance policy while you’re well. Don’t wait until things start coming at you, it’s way more expensive. 
27. Spend the time and effort on healthy habits before a diagnosis (or potential diagnosis) forces you to. You never know what you could have prevented with better habits.
28. What others think of you is none of your business. Don't waste your energy over it.
29. You will change, it's inevitable. Choose to change for the better.
30. Your mind is insanely powerful. Don't allow it to tell you negative things. Train it to be kind to you. 
31. I have amazing toilet bowl cleaning abilities.
32. Laundry days are still my favorite cleaning days. The house smells so good!
33. Let the fresh air in the house.
34. Sunshine is one of the cheapest forms of therapy.
35. It's OK to take time for yourself away from your family. Back porch sessions alone are rejuvenating.
36. Physical fitness is just as important as mental fitness.
37. Even when you don't think it can, your body can and will move.
38. When your mind tells you "I can't do this anymore," tell it, "you're wrong. Watch me!"
39. People are genuinely kind.
40. Where the mind goes, the body will follow.
41. Be patient with yourself.
42. Trust the process.
43. For the love of all things good... Dr. Google is no friend of yours. Stay off the internet! Ask your Dr. that knows your story your questions. 
44. Create new habits. Ones that enrich your life instead of hold you back. 
45. Quiet the noise in your life. The social media accounts. The tabloids. The internet. Things that don't enrich you don't deserve your emotion. You have no idea how much undue stress it causes.
46. Stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone. That's where the magic starts.
47. Your perspective on life will change, almost on the daily.
48. Learn to love yourself and all that you are, especially when it's the hardest thing to do.
49. Addie is the best 5-year-old caregiver in the world! 
50. Receiving unexpected handwritten mail in the mailbox truly lifts someones spirits.
51. I strive to be better about sending encouraging messages to others. ⬆️
52. Spending time to enrich your mind regarding your career is insanely beneficial.
53. Dream Big and reach for the stars.
54. Purging things you don't need feels good.
55. I have begun a love/hate relationship with my bicycle. I love the ride, my tailbone hates it.
56. Positive self talk is a powerful tool for our self-esteem and self-confidence.