Letter from Jeff written some months ago, read at Jeff's Celebration of Life

I wish I was there to see all of you. I feel incredibly blessed to have you all as friends and family. I apologize that I wasn't able to say goodbye to more of you in person. It's amazing how quickly things have changed following my diagnosis at the end of May [2022]. Continuing my tradition of oversharing through this struggle I thought I would leave a note for all of you. It feels good to know that in some way I'm a part of this gathering by leaving this message for you to read. I'm sitting here imagining all of you laughing and smiling and remembering your times with me. If you aren't, do your best to humor me.

Today is February 24, Angela's birthday! I have no idea how much time I have left. I'm in no hurry, but in many ways I'm ready for this to be over. I'm not in any pain, but it's hard not being the same person I've always been. My mental acuity is far from what it used to be. That was a big part of my identity. Obviously, my physical abilities are mostly gone. Even my personality has changed. Thank you, especially my mom and Larry, Angela, and Jocelyn for being patient and living through that personality change.

I think I've expressed this previously, but I hope you all understand what Jocelyn and Angela have been through. Imagine that you learn your partner who lives two hours away has terminal cancer. And your first reaction is to drop everything else in your life and move in with him to be his caretaker. It's hard for me to accept that I deserved that sacrifice that Angela made for me.

And consider Jocelyn. Imagine being 15 and learning that your dad has 12 months to live. Add that to the social and emotional challenges of being a sophomore in high school. I tried to fit in a lifetime of lessons in that short amount of time. Maybe I should have backed off, it's hard for me to accept that I won't be there to help guide her through the challenges she'll face growing up, to help her make the loss of her father a step that makes her stronger, not something that breaks her down. I'm going to rely on all of you to help with that. Jocelyn is an incredibly capable and responsible young woman, and I have complete confidence that she's going to go on to live the life that she wants on her own terms. Jocelyn, when you think of me, don't think only of cancer and us losing each other, think of how proud I am of you and that the time I spent with you was the happiest time of my 47 years. I'm so proud of you!

I sit here and reflect on an amazing life. I've been to amazing places and had amazing experiences with incredible people. What I've learned from all of this is that I wish I'd taken the time for more adventure. I promise you that I'm not facing my final days wishing that I'd worked longer hours or taken fewer vacations. I enjoyed my career, but I'm not coming to my final days wishing I'd worked more. I know many of you don't take the time off of work that you could, I would encourage you to do just that. Share adventures and experiences with each other. Don't wait, let new experiences take priority over new things. Go to new places, even if it's here in this state. It doesn't have to be far away or expensive, go experience those things you’ve been meaning to do.

 I love all of you. I would ask that you try not to make this a sad day of mourning. I'm not scared or regretful of what is coming. I'm sad that I don't have time with you all, but I feel like I made the best of the time that I had. If you're up for it, tell someone about an adventure that we shared. I had an amazing life! Here are just a few of my favorite adventures: I suspect there are pictures of some of these playing on the slideshow.

• Any of the hell hikes. Ask Aaron...
• Snowmobiling Eagles Pass or the Pemberton ice cap, early trips were with Jack and my dad... Then there were-dozens of other snowmobile trips with JJ, Chris, Christian and Ace as my faithful, trusting companions.
• Road trips in the truck and camper with Angela and Jocelyn. Thanks, Greg, for exposing me to the parks in Utah.
• Mountain bike road trips with Kevin and Larry.
• Hundreds of miles in the truck with Kevin, or Chris, or Christian, having real conversations and getting to know each other like brothers.
• Driving across the country with my sister Valerie in college.
• More backpacking trips than I can remember.
• Backpacking and Cuba and every other moment spent with Angela and her wonderful family.
• Exposing Jocelyn to the things that I love. And of course, just being with her and watching her grow and experiencing her glow and energy.
• Boating in the San Juans.
• Being a dad

I feel like I could keep listing things all day, so please forgive me if I've missed you.  It speaks to how much joy you all have brought me.

What a full life I've lived…

Jeff