Random Data | In every deep breath you take, some of those molecules were exhaled by both Jesus and Hitler (and everyone else older than 30). You're breathing in roughly 25 sextillion molecules (25 followed by 21 zeroes).

Chemo | 33 bi-weekly rounds completed

CEA | 9  [0-3 = normal. 10-20 = extensive disease. 20+ = cancer spreading.]

MEDICAL UPDATE 

Still on a liquid/soft diet… grumble grumble… (that’s not me complaining, that’s my stomach… haven’t had any real food since March 10). Tomato bisque, blendered cream of potato soup and the immersion blender are still my close, personal friends (along with Sid H). Tasty looking happy hour loaded nachos are my frenemies (oh, you temptress, Lakewood Tavern).

For now, still liking the variety of new liquid type things… but ask me in a year. Aside: I love talking about things “in (out?) a year”… returns normalcy to a pretty abnormal lifestyle and mindset. So, yeah, I remain an optimist. I won’t ever “beat” this little cancer thing-a-ma-bob, but maybe I can keep stretching it out beyond my initial prognosis of RIP 1/2/24. Cuz… why *not* me? Someone needs to fill up the right side of that histogramic fat tail of survivorship. I pick me to do that. I told Cam I was an optimist, and she told me I am *not* an optimist. I guess she sees me, warts (down / off times) and all. But I am… and I will live/write undeterred (and as an optimist).

Did a consult with my (originally typed “our” Mayo Clinic surgeon, but that’s as corny as saying, “we’re pregnant”) on May 8. Four options discussed: 1) intestinal stent(s) inside the pinch point(s), OR 2) cut out the primary tumor at the ileocecal valve and stitch together the remaining large and small intestine “pipes”, OR 3) cut in a stoma with bag to bypass pinch points, OR 4) wait and do no surgeries for now.

A stent is off the table, and I choose no voluntary stoma (with external bag) for now. Good news, though: he said we would now do surgery to cut out the tumor-laden ileocecal valve (which is where all 3 of my blockages derived from) and stitch together the remaining small and large intestine (to avoid future blockages and to allow a more normal diet). However, it’s not an easy decision. In fact, it’s one of the hardest decisions of my life. Lots of unknowns and risks (of doing and NOT doing the surgery).

NO Sx, cuz: missing 8-10 weeks of chemo and bevac (pre and post op) is a really scary concept (one of the biggest risks)… I may end up with a stoma/bag if I’m too mangled in there… It may leak / go septic. Would still not get me back to a 100% normal diet... Does cutting out the “mothership” tumor and upsetting / causing trauma to the entire gut cause the little satellite tumors to go crazy, like a kicked hornet’s nest? May still block up more upstream of this bypass (all 22 feet of small intestines and peritoneal are still tumor-laden, some inside and some outside the ‘hose’ walls). Short-term losses (no pickleball or beer / in-patient 3+ day stay / lots of Mayo trips & follow-ups / immobility / pain of post-op)

YES, Sx. OTOH, if I’m still shrinking the passable space thru that valve, and it will close down / block 100% with tumors eventually, why not do a voluntary surgery now to avoid an emergency surgery down the road, which would 100% lead to a stoma/bag (ileostomy) or worse… NO surgery possible down the road. Say goodnight, Gracie.

Maybe the best option for now is to set it up (would probably be in July/August) as a ‘free option’ (actually, more like a $100,000+ out-of-network option) and then cancel down the road as conditions may warrant. Stay tuned… this one is still a cliffhanger. I’ve been asking you (okay, most of you… I may have missed one or two but I’ll circle back) what should I do? What would you do?

NON-MEDICAL UPDATE

Pickleballers are the best. Unbeknownst to me (love that word... “me”), Jodi W. created some “Team Jeff” T-shirts and my PB friends surprised me by all showing up with them a few weeks ago at the courts. Honestly, I get emotional just typing this out. They are a special group. I feel privileged to call them my friends. In the midst of the worst year of my life (so far!... thx, Homer), I sometimes feel like I’m also living in the best year of my life (so far!) when things like that happen. Words of gratitude escape me, as do tears of appreciation. Why am I so lucky? (cue Lou Gehrig’s final speech, “Yet today… today… ‘day… I consider myself the luckiest man an… an… on the face of this earth… arth… rth”). Fun side note: peeps keep taking Team Jeff pix wherever they’ve been traveling (and so “I’ve” been on a few mountains, deserts, deep south, happy hours, strange new courts, etc. Fun, funny, great stuff). Instead of Where Is Flat Stanley?, it’s more like “Where is Fat Jeff?”

Anyway, my Ukrainian-ESL MN group (ENGin) got some pub. I was assigned The Strib to get a story in there… my story ideas went nowhere with those editors. But Sue (another volunteer) reached out to the Pioneer Press and made a really nice story. Please consider spending an hour a week talking with a Ukrainian over Zoom with the ENGin program. They are so thirsty to learn English. And it’s enjoyable. Low stress. And you’d really be helping. Be a part in helping Ukraine shift from a Russian sphere of influence and into the EU/West orbit. And to do that will take English-speaking Ukrainians. Slava Ukraini!

An awkward segue… I met w/ Gov. Walz at the Capitol about the MAID bill (Medical Aid In Dying), officially “End of Life Options Act”. Just a few of us in the room with the Gov. He’s a good guy. Smart. Caring. Engaged. But suuuch a Democrat. LOL (yes, I’m 54 and still use “LOL” unironically, and still insert default clipart into PowerPoints… And I miss Clippy from MS Office Suite days, too. “It looks like you’re trying to type something important. Can I distract, annoy, and slow you down instead?”). I didn’t digress from MAID to talk about other issues (sorry, Mike B, I didn’t bring up natural organic reduction burials/human composting), or I feel the meeting would definitely have gone downhill fast. And with the seriousness of the topic, I didn’t feel it appropriate to ask for a selfie w/ the Gov. Anyway, I really like Walz. I agree on about 20% of his agenda. But he’s a good man. Unfortunately, the MAID bill is dead in 2024’s session.

Politics, I’ve come to discover, can be boiled down to just one word: “Pressure”. Sure, Gov. Walz has said he’ll sign the MAID bill, so then why bother to meet with him? The tipping point for this bill was a DFL senator against MAID (in a nearly 50/50 DFL/GOP Senate makeup… “I’m only a bill... on capitol hill….”.  There’s only so much energy (and time) in the congress and governor’s office. They need to decide where they spend it. Solar? Education? MAID? Infrastructure? Naming a “Jeff Memorial Highway”? We met with Gov. Walz to focus some energy on MAID, so he could apply pressure to the Senate as possible. Back-office politics. Lobbying. Deal making. Scratch my back… yadda yadda. It can be sausage-making-level of ugliness. But it’s real life. And it’s how our government works, for better or worse (I think it’s generally for the better).

And I’m (temporarily) on the inside track, behind the counter. I’m working it. I’m just a cog (out of hundreds), each trying to forward our own agendas. This is not a corrupt system or unethical. It is democracy. Okay, technically, we are actually a representative democratic republic. Understand the rules, and then leverage and work within those rules to affect change for your benefit. It’s the American Way™®©. But I left his meeting very deflated, thinking it’s not gonna pass this session. Damnit.

But no matter what it takes, I *will* choose my own ending when it makes sense. I will not let cancer whither me down, painfully and slowly ending me. "Aut inveniam viam aut faciam" gahhhh... fine, for you non-Latin speakers out there: “I shall either find a way or make one”. Yeah, stole that from my Lake Detective bro (the LD), Steve, who says that when he pops into Garage Logic (GL) w/ Soucheray, formerly on KSTP AM1500, or ESPN, or whatever they are now. The LD still checks in w/ GL for MN lake updates… going on like 30 years (podcasts now… so modern, and still Never. Been. Stumped). Damn, we’re all so old, how’d that happen? I will find a way or make a way. Yeah, I’m an engineer. I can and will figure it out. Whatever it takes. (crowd chants back in monotone unison, “Whatever it takes”).

So… Cam and I both got a pedi together on our weekly “dad-cam” time (cuz why not). By the end, there was a one inch ring of dead foot flesh and toenail dust around my chair. Mai scraped off 54 years of callouses, toe jam and heel buildup, using belt sanders, wood planers, files, rasps, grinders, pliers, knives, and blow torches. I’m like an inch shorter now.

Final awkward segue (yeah, I realize there’s no flow or “through line” to this journal entry… just a bunch of “hey a squirrel!!” random updates… blame the lorazepam). My fam and I were possibly going to be on Dr. Phil, talking about MAID and my lil’ cancer death sentence. Our family didn’t have any dissention or drama during the audition/meeting with producers. And I think they look for some family drama that Dr. Phil can “fix” - and it wasn’t us. Would have been a TX trip. Just hoped it wouldn’t degrade into a chair throwing, chanting of “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!” type of environment. It would not, most assuredly. I don’t mind a good, healthy, intellectual debate, as long as it’s civil. And PS as Dr. Phil would say… How’s that workin’ out for ya, because no matter how flat you make a pancake, it always has two sides.

Anyway, just back from a DC trip to see Colin / Jenna (nephew/niece) and to just take in all of those awesome museums and memorials at my own, exact pace. Loved it. Of all the trips to go alone, I think DC is one of the best for that. Next up? Vegas, Houston (hey, Drew), Nawlins (pry not again)? or Nashville (again?), the less-stinky, more-PG version of New Orleans? NYC, Sedona, Fairbanks, never Branson? Or some ridiculously long road trip w/ some of the fam to who knows where (gulf coast?). Or fly to CA as a whole fam (bucket list - see some sequoias and redwoods).

International travel is now most likely off my table (…forever… said over foreboding, sad organ music). But Anywhere USA, ‘cuz why not, if I’m able to wedge that in-between my bi-weekly chemo. (sorry for my overuse of ‘cuz  and (())s today, I’ll do better next time, (cuz why not?))

Cheers! (and of course, like it or not, just reading this, I now consider you on Team Jeff, and I really appreciate your support).