Obituary

Jean (Marie) Graham Mellberg

Sept. 2, 1932 – Aug. 23, 2020

Jean (Marie) Graham Mellberg, 87, of El Dorado Hills, died peacefully at home on Aug. 23, 2020. She had struggled for months with progressive low back pain that was diagnosed as Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma a week before her death.

Jean was an active senior who enjoyed family gatherings, attending church, volunteer work, shopping, going out to eat or to the movies with her longtime friends, and serving others. Given that the last three years were the first time she had ever lived alone, many were in awe of her resilience in making the most of life without her partner and husband, Bob Mellberg, who passed away on Nov. 4, 2017.

When COVID 19 hit California in spring of 2020 it was not an easy adjustment. Jean’s greatest joy in life was her family. Not having large family meals with her four grandchildren and eight great grandchildren, not being able to plan or share in birthdays and holidays, to shop regularly, visit friends, or go to Mass were all frustrating limitations. In order to avoid exposure, Jean accepted that contact would be limited to weekly zoom calls, patio lunch dates with her son, daughter in-law and grandson, watching classic movies with her brother, and the regular company of her daughter Sally.

As Jean’s pain increased she kept good humor with her many medical specialists. She would joke that she had learned to “dodge bullets” for years and that every time she turned around there was another growth or “barnacle” to be addressed. Jean had survived two bouts of breast cancer, two bouts of lung cancer and two bouts of melanoma throughout the last half of her life.

With family doing all they could, the progression of her pain raced on faster than the needed scans and treatments could be carried out. She was courageous and tolerant throughout the ordeal. The family soon realized that “doing all you can do” is sometimes not enough and that each soul has their particular time to fly!

In the end Jean was surrounded by her extended family and she surrounded them in pure light with an atmosphere of profound peace and love.  

Jean Marie Graham was born on Sept. 2, 1932 in San Francisco, the eldest of three children. Her parents, Jim and Choate Graham, raised her during the Great Depression in the city’s Richmond District. As an adult Jean shared how proud she was of her father Jim who retired after 35 years of civil service as the manager of the San Francisco Civic Auditorium. She cared deeply for her mother, Choate, who was a stay at home mom with deep family values, an infectious sense of humor and a penchant for playfulness and drama.

The day before Jean’s seventh birthday, World War II erupted in Europe. When Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, Jean had just turned 9. As a kid, she remembered hearing the air raid sirens at night in the Richmond District and the Civil Defense wardens yell “lights out” from the street below. Many feared the West Coast would be attacked next by Japan. She recalled taking shelter at home under tables with her younger sister, Joan, until the “all-clear” signal was sounded.

Jean graduated from Saint Monica’s grammar school and Star of the Sea High School (class of 1950).

Bob Mellberg, her future husband, met Jean in 1946 after he had returned from service in the Navy during World War II. They met in San Francisco at the Richmond Playground tennis courts, which were right next door to where Jean lived with her younger sister, Joan, and her parents. 

“When I met Bob, he had just graduated from San Francisco City College,” she told her younger brother Tom. “Shortly after we began dating, Bob started classes at UC Berkeley. I was still in high school. I graduated in 1950 and in April he asked me to marry him. I was 17. The following April we got married at Star of the Sea on April 21, 1951. Bob and I were married for 66 years. He was the love of my life.”

After their wedding, the couple resided in Berkeley, where Bob went to UC Berkeley, and the first of their two children, Sally, was born. During these years Jean helped support the family while Bob was in school by working as secretary to Clark Kerr, the first chancellor of UC Berkeley. Kerr led the effort to transform the University of California into true public university system.

In 1960, Jean and Bob moved to Sacramento, where Bob started his optometry practice. They lived there for half a century and that’s where their second child, John, was born. Along with working and parenting, Jean played a key role in caring and supporting her mother who struggled with numerous health challenges.

In her 40’s, after the kids were grown, Jean majored in Art at American River College and graduated with honors. She was a gifted student and artist. She enjoyed sculpting, drawing and making stained glass. In fact, she entered one of her pencil drawings in the California State Fair and won first place. 

Jean would live through the Civil Rights Movement of the ’60s, the Women’s Liberation Movement of the ’70s and 15 presidents. She would live to see Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, the first woman in space, the first women run for vice president and president, and the unfolding of the computer age. 

Jean had strong values and she had the courage to express them clearly when the opportunities arose. She was a champion for those without privilege or power. She supported equal rights, civil rights, women’s rights, and environmental and social justice. In the early ’70s, with her granddaughter Arwen in her arms, she spoke at a demonstration opposing the Rancho Seco Nuclear Power Plant. She asked SMUD to halt the use of the plant after an accident had occurred that was determined in 2005 to be the third most significant nuclear incident in U.S. history. She was proud that she had the courage to speak up for future generations before it was too late. The plant was later decommissioned.

Years later, Jean returned to American River College to earn a second degree in Gerontology. She became the senior services administrator for the Sacramento Mental Health Association, and then served as the Trainer and Coordinator of the Sacramento Catholic Dioceses Senior Visitation Ministries. Her territory included Northern California from Fresno to the Oregon border.

Jean trained volunteers as well as ministered to isolated seniors making sure their social and spiritual needs were met. She retired from the ministry at the age of 83 after Bob had a stroke.

Fr. Rey Bersabal, pastor at St. John the Baptist Catholic Church in Folsom, thanked her for “her untiring devotion in bringing comfort and spiritual guidance to so many homebound seniors.” He noted, “Jean was the embodiment of dedication and commitment.”

Along with years of serving seniors Jean also fulfilled a life long wish to travel. Bob was reluctant to fly so she planned trips with friends and travel groups. After a number of memorable excursions, she took the bold move of gifting Bob with a trip to Hawaii for his birthday. Her strategy worked and after that they began travelling together throughout Europe, the British Isles, Scandinavia, the Caribbean, and Alaska.

She and Bob enjoyed a long and happy marriage together. They were a model couple that shared life’s experiences together and enjoyed their family to the fullest. 

After breast cancer surgery years ago, Jean visited a friend in Southern California and attended a talk by two Croatian women who had “visions” of “Our Lady of Medjugorje, Queen of Peace.” Their talk changed Jean’s life. She returned to the Catholic Church after a long hiatus and her faith never wavered from that moment on. She was a devout Catholic, and lived and practiced her faith in a way that everyone admired. She never proselytized. But she walked the walk.

Jean was close to her younger siblings, Joan and Tom, whom the two looked up to. (Joan predeceased her four years ago.)

Her brother, Tom, said he was ever grateful that Jean introduced him to his future wife, Kim Gagnon, at her son John’s wedding in 1993.  Tom said she was always thinking of others and will be remembered for her unconditional love, compassion and non-judgmental nature. 

“She was a great listener and I could always confide in Jeannie because I knew she would have my back and give me good advice. And she always did. There are few people in a person’s life who provide such love, support and guidance. All of my life, Jean called on the phone and we’d share family news as well as our political views. And she wasn’t shy about expressing them. She couldn’t tolerate deceit or dishonesty.”

Jean’s children and grandchildren loved her deeply. Each family member eagerly wished to share how she touched and inspired them.

Jean’s son John Mellberg, reflected how “Mom was passionate about life. I think we will all remember her love for gathering with family and friends. Entertaining, cooking, gift giving and dancing are some of the images I hold when I think of her zest for life. She was fiercely loyal and protective and I felt like she always had my back. I could go to her for anything and I would always receive good counsel. Injustice brought her off of her seat. She was probably most proud of her family, her work in the ministry for aging seniors, and her advocacy for those who were disenfranchised.”

Jean had a close connection with her daughter in-law, Lisa Mellberg. In reminiscing about their connection, Lisa shared, “When we met, Jean approached me with her arms outstretched and then she planted a surprising, big, wet, kiss right on my lips. After the shock, I felt instantly embraced and a full-fledged family member ever since. After Mom passed we had a family gathering around her bedside and we all chose a word to describe her and immediately the word that came to me was ALWAYS.  She ALWAYS wanted to know what was happening in my life, wanting to get together, ALWAYS up for a bit of fun or a shoulder to cry on. She was feisty, stubborn, strong, soft, sweet, vocal, thoughtful, and beautiful and she was ALWAYS my mom.

Sally Fitts, Jean’s daughter, said, “Mom was a doer, initiator, and loved to be in roles of planning and leadership. When I was young, mom urged me to be courageous. I did not appreciate being pushed from the nest at times but I’m so grateful she had faith in me and helped me learn to face my fears so I could live life fully. As a role model, Mom deeply questioned aspects of life and tolerated me when I followed suit. She was strong and had remarkable determination that lasted until her last breath. She was a first-born female and a proud Virgo. Three more generations of first-born female Virgo’s follow Mom. We will all aim to remember Mom’s legacy of perseverance and love of family, so it can swell and flow forth for generations to come.”

Arwen Franzen, Jean’s first granddaughter, shared her fond memories of her grandmother’s quirks.

“When I think of Nana one of her qualities was her thriftiness. She loved good deals and was a sales junky. In her later years she was a regular at the Dollar Store. Many of us have stories of Nana’s unfailing generosity but we have other fond memories of her attempts at re-gifting or buying a year ahead, which created challenges with kids’ sizes and returns! Once, I remember we were all at a cabin at Tahoe. I was about to clean out a large pan that had been used for scrambled eggs. Nana insisted that I scrape two tablespoons of egg from the sides and put in a baggy to save for lunch!

Danica Cucciare, Jean’s second granddaughter reflected, “Nana’s holiday gatherings were magical. I remember the house was always fully decorated, she would set out the things we liked to eat like crackers and cheese and bowls of olives. At Christmas there was an ocean of gifts, music, food and lots of laughs. One year as a teen, I complained about going to a dinner at Nana’s because it would take so long. On the drive I remember mom telling me that family was the most valuable thing I would ever have. Nana was the center of our family and she insisted on pulling us together regularly. Now it is something I cherish in my life so much and I feel so thankful for Nana’s relentless conviction to keep us together.”

Jaden Fitts, Jean’s first grandson, shared his insights about his Nana.

“She was an expert with transactions whether they were relational or monetary. A lasting memory for me is Nana as my first employer. She asked me to help her landscape the backyard. She expected a lot from a 15-year-old as far as hard work and she paid me the agreed upon wage. Rather than treating me like her ‘grandson,’ she was very businesslike. I felt like that job gave me a sense of self-respect. Later I learned that Nana fibbed about her age to get her first job at the age of 15! Considering when she was born, Nana was very unique. She was independent, self-sufficient, and took life on her own terms.”

Aldana Itturi Fitts, Jaden’s wife, and Jean’s granddaughter-in-law had a special connection with Jean. When they first met, Aldana recalled how Jean gave her a big kiss from a pair of bright orange lips that created an instant feeling of inclusion!

“Nana had a ‘Let’s Go!’ and ‘What’s next?’ approach to life. In fact “Come on… Let’s go” may have been the last words she spoke before she passed. She was consistently optimistic. Nana had a great sense of humor, strong values and loved to be surrounded by family. She loved holidays and enjoyed planning months ahead. Nana was generous and her gifts often included something especially hand crafted. Her faith in God gave her great comfort.”

Liam Mellberg, John and Lisa’s son and Jean’s youngest grandchild offered, “Nana was always so happy to see me. She would really engage with me and wanted to know about my life. When I was younger she liked to take me out to the Dollar Store. She was awesome and I miss her a lot.”

In the last months and weeks it took a village to care for her.

Jean’s daughter, Sally, helped her with all her doctor appointments. She became Jean’s companion, caregiver, healthcare liaison, and eventually lived with Jean while assembling the family into a team of round-the-clock caregivers.

Jean’s brother Tom was a steadfast support, helping drive Jean to doctors appointments, shopping and staying up to offer comfort during difficult nights.

In addition, her son John and his wife, Lisa, also shouldered the load between heavy work schedules.

Jean’s grandson, Jaden Fitts (a Sac Metro firefighter) was also a source of strength for the whole family. Between shifts at the firehouse, he remained by his grandmother’s side providing the best “care” one could receive.

Aldana, Jean’s granddaughter-in-law, and Arwen Franzen, her granddaughter, provided dedicated care, cooking, cleaning, shopping, massaging, and bible readings. Aldana often stayed up all night comforting Jean.

In the final days her great grandchildren, Madison and Blake, along with grandson Liam stepped forward and offered their support and company to Jean and her band of family angels.

The family wishes to thank Sutter Hospice for their swift response and expertise during Jean’s last days.

Jean is survived by her daughter, Sally Fitts, of Fair Oaks; and her son and daughter-in-law, John and Lisa Mellberg, of El Dorado; her four grandkids – Arwen Franzen of El Dorado Hills; Danica (and Justin) Cucciare of Sacramento; Jaden (and Aldana) Fitts of Napa; and Liam Mellberg of El Dorado; and eight great-grandchildren, as well as her brother, Tom Graham, of Sacramento.

Jean’s family is planning a memorial mass and celebration of Jean’s life after COVID 19 social distancing restrictions are fully lifted, hopefully in 2021. Jean and her husband Bob’s cremains will be interred in the Graham family plot at Holy Cross Cemetery in Colma.

Memorial donations may be made in her name to:

Senior Visitation Program

St John the Baptist Catholic Church

307 Montrose Drive

Folsom, CA 95630 

 “In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds us closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” – Friedrich Nietzsche