365 days ago today, many lives changed.  A family was changed forever.  Friends were in shock.  100s of people rallied around the Laughlin family and friend community to immediately support however they could.  365 days ago, we lost John, and a family began to grieve.  365 days ago, Jan was fighting for her life.  Within those 365 days, a family began to heal and rebuild.  Rebuild their home, their hearts, their everything.

There's no timeframe on grieving.  Some of the biggest and hardest questions for someone who has lost a loved one - "How long am I going to feel like this?  How long am I going to be <insert emotion description here> - could be sad, mad, depressed, concerned......the descriptions go on and on depending on the day, I'm sure.  

Here we are, together again, 365 days later and you are reading an update from me, where many of us "met" for the first time. 

Physically, Jan has taken a few trips back to Utah to the outpatient burn center as they do an amazing follow up with each of their patients.  While not convenient to travel back and forth, Jan knows and trusts all of these healthcare workers at Univ of Utah with her life.  She didn't have a choice, she had too, and they came through for her 100 times over.  She has done physical therapy to make sure the scars on her hands, arms and shoulders continue to heal and stay flexible.  She has gone back to Utah to be checked, get additional compression shirts to help with the scarring and all of the things they have told her to do.  She has done some appointments throughout the year virtually, sending pictures of the burn areas and grafting areas, however at certain key healing points, they need to see her face to face - so she goes.  She's healing really well, and I have to say that I'm very proud of her. 

I just keep telling her "i just can't imagine, Jan - you are doing great"......because in all honesty, I cannot imagine.  I want to believe that I would be that strong, to push through, to make all these huge life decisions without my life partner but truth be told...I just can't imagine.

I can tell you that it's been a challenging year for Jan and the family.  Determining where to live, to tear down and rebuild, to repair the old house but change it enough to make a difference emotionally, who to trust rebuilding/repairing a home.......the list goes on and on.  When I chat with Jan, she talks about the support she has received from everyone near and far.  Those in Great Falls, helping her with anything she needs (when she asks for it).  Rebuilding......piece by piece, heart by heart.....slowly.  

After Jan was home in Montana from being treated and saved at Utah Burn Center.  She had questions about the first days after the fire.  "Connie, tell me everything.  Tell me what you saw, what you heard, what you and brother Jim and sis Pam were worried about, I want to know it all".  She honestly didn't know how sick she was.  She didn't know that we almost lost her.  She didn't know how serious it all was, all she was worried about was John and the family.  I told her that the first thing she wrote on her whiteboard when I landed in Utah was "John?"....and I had to tell her that John was gone.  She didn't remember anything from the time of the fire to little bits and pieces in the Great Falls emergency room, and then it was nothing after that.  She took a life flight to Utah - no memory of that.  Getting settled into the Burn Unit ICU in Utah - no memory of the immediate steps of that.  What she now knows today is that she and the kids were very lucky and day by day hopefully realizing they were all protected and kept here for a reason.  Sometimes we have no idea what that reason is, but we eventually find out and that will take time.......sometimes more than 365 days.

All in all, physical/emotional healing and grief takes time.  All the "first" holidays have happened and were tough, really tough but they made it through.  John would want that, and I think each of the Laughlin family knows that.

I felt compelled to post today.  We miss you, John.  We are doing the very best we can for your family, but they miss you.  The first 365 days have been full of tears, sadness, happiness, gratefulness and gratitude. 

John, you'd be proud of Jan and the entire Laughlin family, as we all are.

To everyone reading and continuing to reach out to Jan, thank you all for your friendship and support as you have wrapped a blanket of love and peace around the family over the last 365 days.  Don't stop......they will need you all for a long time.

Peace and blessings to you.

Love and stuff,

Connie