Where do I start?, I guess I should start with an apology because I promised to keep everyone updated and I know of when Ghost for a few weeks. I don’t really know what I can sum it up to either, there are several reasons why but the easiest and most true is that I have really been enjoying life moment by moment.

So….. im typing this about 20 mins before my 41st birthday sets in (TEAM TAURUS) laying in bed beside Miss and mentally filled with tons of mixed emotions. Its absolutely nuts to me that this time last year I was sitting up happy about life, excited to see what Melissa had pulled up her sleeve for my 40th. *And man, if you were able to see the surprise 40th party she pulled off for me, the WHOLE cake that Greg (my QB and dear friend) smashed all over me. But one thing I do remember plain as day was my 40th birthday wish…. I wished that “nothing changed” for once in my life I was so at peace, and content. But man…on the eve of my 41st I am praying hard that he slows things down… life….every day that we enjoy is a day lost.. I was telling Miss the other day that we celebrate and can’t wait until these age milestones, but each milestone is actually us getting closer to the day we leave this earth. I am now content more than ever to things just slowing down, allowing me to be in the “now” and enjoy each precious moment we get to spend in the flesh.

So who, what, where, have I been….. good question……for those that have me on FB you primarily know…for the others here are some updates. Hold on tight, because our household is still trying to do the same.

One of the last things I wrote about was how our family decided to get baptized together, it was one of the most emotional days of my life, watching my two children on their own take that leap in faith, but being able to do it with Melissa as well met the world to me/us. During the Baptism ceremony at Journey Church our Pastor was very specific in saying that the coming weeks we may be tested and tested hard because the devil will try to show us otherwise. He was correct, 100 percent correct.

So I had my second fusion on May 4th, and things went really well very similar to the first. My side effects were those darn hiccups again, and my sensitivity to cold exposure was elevated ten fold compared to my prior infusion. We stayed at the hotel and Melissa learned to “takedown” my 24 hour chemo bag so this eliminates the nurse from having to come to our hotel unless there is an emergency so it’s essential that we stay in the same hotel. A lot of your donations cover our hotel stay which is essential to my treatment and I thank you for that. To be honest its one of the larger out of pocket costs that we  simply cant avoid for now.

We made it home on the 6th and things were really well, I jumped back into the swing of things. I tried to volunteer at our Firehouses car show but it pretty much got rained out. We did show up and got to hang out with some of the fellas for a little which really lifted my spirits.  Lex and Brendan came down with our grands and we had a wonderful dinner at the famous Shady Maple Smorgasbord. I did become nauseas at times and even had to sit with the senior citizens instead of waiting in the long mother’s day line. But I usually take a few minutes recoup and I’m good to go. This has been a theme, my body tells me when enough is enough, I listen and when I’m ready I get right back to it.

Once I hit my off week, I usually am about 90 percent and I live my best life, which includes indulging in anything that I can eat because I know this stomach surgery is creeping on me. Jasmine started counseling which has been a blessing for sure, she is doing well and seems to enjoy it as well. Please keep praying for my princess. She has cancer questions for me or melissa periodically but definitely has processed things like a big girl and is not afraid to come to us for answers or reassurance. Today she said dad what “if” they don’t get all of the cancer out when they take your stomach….and I sort of deflected because I didn’t even want to answer that question. I said “they’ll get it all baby” ….she said how do you know….I said “because I just do”. Its these times that hurt the most….and sometimes I’m eager to just know….but since I don’t know….I continue to live life accordingly, and that’s with as much love as possible. (Thanks to the ones that are so concerned about my princess).

So our household is full of fishing folks, it’s just what we like to do, every single one of us. JJ is the fish whisperer….alongside Miss, I am at the point where I can’t call it beginners luck anymore lol. She smacks them too. So with the weather change we spent a few days during my off week going out fishing.

So here goes our gut punch and most of the reason why I have been missing in action. On mothers day we were all dressed and ready to head out to Journey Church and we got a phone call from Lex (Missys youngest daughter 20) , we missed it. I had a weird feeling, so I texted her and asked if she was okay and she said no. We called back and she was having severe abdominal pain and had gone to urgent care and they sent her to the ER for suspicion of Appendicitis. So we left immediately to the hospital. Due to Covid it was a fight for us to get back to see her, she was so miserable and in pain but we only had limited time with her. Before we even made it back home it was confirmed that she would be getting her appendix surgically removed within hours. So on the way back we stopped in York city where Missy is from and picked up her mother and we went to a little breakfast spot for a mother’s day breakfast. We dropped her off after breakfast and since we were close to her fathers house we were going to go see him too but my kids were back home, I was very nauseous and so I said lets just go see him tomorrow. So we went home and were just emotionally spent and I spent most of the day in bed with Missy by my side.

The next day we woke up early, Missy had injured her nail the day before but could not get in to get it fixed due to the holiday. So she went to the nail shop early before we were going to set out to go see her father……… She like to text me all the timeeeeeee when she is getting her nails done but this time she called me after a few normal texts. She called me and was on facetime so I could see her, she was crying, not a little cry but a very hysterical cry…and she kept saying he is gone, and the camera would go to her face, …to the floor, to the ceiling,….I ran outside and realized that she has the vehicle so I can’t get to her….and she say my dad is gone….it can’t be my dad is gone….he’s gone….CLICK……it was some of the most helpless times of my life…….I just wanted to teleport to her…..but I couldn’t. About 5 mins later she pulls in and just drops into my arms….and told me that someone did a welfare check on her father and he was found in his home unresponsive.

I wont go into extreme details, but he passed from complications of a cardiac surgery he had done a few months prior. He was hospitalized due to it being infected but had cleared protocols and was heling up nicely. I kept in really good contact with Scott from the day that I met him until about a week before he passed. We are unclear on when he passed but as you can imagine we were surprised and Melissa and her family were beyond devastated.  I tried to be everything and anything I could be to her and her children during such a painful and confusing time. A time where Missy for sure has been my backbone, I needed to reverse roles and be that for her. We rushed to where he was, spoke with the coroner, and family, everyone was distraught, and it was one of the most painful things I have ever seen a family go through. I tried my best to not to have any transference, but it was impossible. I will fight my butt off to make sure I don’t put anyone through this pain.

After a long day trying to figure things out, we all decided to meet at the crematorium at 9am where we could view the late Scott Kleiman Sr before he was cremated. I tried my best to be there for Missy that evening, but I just could not answer the who, what, why, and how in the grieving process. I also knew that the mentality that I have had that has kept me ahead of the horrible disease was starting to falter ever so slightly…and not to anyone’s fault at all ….it’s just the simple fact that yes I am human… The next day we all met and the family went through the sad but necessary processes of saying bye to Scott in the flesh. I met more family members and consoled my lady and our kiddos as much as I could. At this point our hands are so full….so so full………..

Missy was up all night, didn’t feel the best, but we really thought It was because she was mentally and physically drained. She woke up the next morning with a sore throat, chills, and a light fever. She took an at home covid test and the results were positive……a game changer…….the cherry on top of the cake.  So here we are, me being very immunocompromised and she has Covid….she needed me so bad and could not come around me. Her mom thankfully came with us after the viewing so Deb stayed and was a great help. I had to sit for 5 days and watch the love of my life hurt so bad, and I could not do anything to pull the dagger out of her heart. My words were not enough. I never wanted to hold someone so bad in my lifetime.

To say this did not take a toll on us, our home, would be a lie. It has been a draining and very hard off week.

So here we are, it’s my 41st birthday now,  we are heading down to John Hopkins in the morning for my 3rd out of 4 infusion. Usually I am upbeat and ready to dive in head first but I just don’t have that pizazz thus far. I will pray on it, and continue to pray on it because I know God will deliver. I have not shared because life is real, and I really have not had time or the mental capacity to do it.

Overall I feel about 93 percent and that’s a constant. All of my hair is gone besides my eyebrows. I have gained everything else back, my sensitivity to cold wore off just in time for me to get it back lol. I have to admit with the beard gone I don’t look like im 41.  Yesterday we spent some time at a state park so we can fish, and my new pic is of me and the youngest (Lex and Brendans daughter) Zamara…..she is so happy and smiley all the time. I pray that I kick this crud and I don’t put any of my people through the pain I experienced and am still experiencing this last week.

For my Birthday I pray for my healing, and I know our resources are dwindling, if you can donate even if it’s for my birthday it would be amazing. The sharing works, I have strangers to me but friends of yours that have read my story and have helped. I keep everything in a separate account under Melissas name and we use things strictly for cancer related expenses. We are almost halfway to our goal.  After my Chemo is done, we will wait for my blood levels to get back to a healthy baseline and I will go in for full stomach removal. We will need to be local to John Hopkins for a month minimum. We are starting to plan this out but it looks like we will need an extended stay hotel or an AirBNB for at least a month. Please yall please help by sharing, and truly know that anything helps. It’s not a popularity contest at all. For those that have donated, brought the amazing meals by on our meal train we really appreciate you and pray you will be blessed for your generosity and sacrifices to our family. My prayer that I end with every night and sometimes during that day is that by me going through this it keeps yall from ever having to say that you have cancer to a loved one. More importantly I pray that my battle will help them gain knowledge around this horrible cancer so that no child would ever have to experience it at all.