Today is our 27th wedding anniversary. May 31st, 1997, we said, "I do."

I told Jake and he smiled. I told him over and over again throughout the day in case he forgot. I read him messages from friends and family, and he smiled. It made him happy that it was our anniversary. :) Since his accident this is the first anniversary where I was genuinely happy on this day. The 24th, 25th and 26th the sadness was still too heavy to be overcome. And even though today the sadness still carries weight, maybe I've gotten used to the load or carry it better? Whatever it was at least I could feel some happy today. And I was happy. Not like a blissfully, ignorant happy (I wish). But I could say Happy Anniversary Jake and be sincerely happy about it. And thankful. And oh, so grateful to see him smile. 

But when I looked through old photos today, it made me very, very sad. Because no matter how much I get better at carrying it, it's always there. Reality is always there. Missing him is always there. Memories are always there. What he's missing out on is always there. How small his world has become, it's always there. What I and the kids are missing out on is always there. And no matter how good I get at carrying it... it's a weight I can never put down. There is no relief. So, it is always with me and even though I get stronger overall, it also weakens me because I'm always tired from carrying it. 

But man, I love him. I love him so freaking much. I enjoy overcoming with him. I enjoy taking this hand we have been dealt and making the best of it. I enjoy writing my own rules when it comes to how WE are living this life of TBI. It is HARD. But Jake and I are doing it. WE are doing it, and I knew we always could. I knew Jake and I would overcome anything. We have. We are. We will. 

We still do.