Jack's scan results came back clear!!! No evidence of disease!!! No evidence of a tumor either!!! (You may recall from his scans in November that the tumor was still holding on and was projected to be still be evident after his treatment sequence concluded. Next step would have been surgery and two weeks of being in the hospital for a different chemo course.) To God be the glory! Our son's cancer journey is over! (We do ask for continued prayers for Jack though. We pray he has no long term effects common in cancer kids - diabetes, heart disease, learning disabilities, infertility, and second cancers in particular.)

We spent this week at the beach. No schedule. No appointments. Just sand, sunshine and time with people we love. God's timing is perfect, I tell you. This trip was booked before Jack's scans appointment was scheduled. When we planned this little spring break getaway, we had no idea it would be on the heels of such a week. Once the line up was established, we knew the results were going to have a big impact and boy, has it. Between Caroline choosing to attend Georgia College next year to study special education and Jack's scans results, we were in serious celebration and decompression mode. 

This has been an 18 month journey from the time Jack's symptoms began. Key stats include:

• Medical Support
  • 3 ENTs
  • 1 accupunturist
  • 2 chiropractors
  • 2 surgeons
  • 2 nurse practitioners
  • 1 therapist
  • 1 oncologist
  • Lots of loving nurses
  • 3 MRIs
  • 3 CT/PET scans
  • 24 chemo treatments
• We attended multiple events and thousands of dollars were raised in Jack's honor for the following childhood cancer charities:
  • AFLAC Cancer Center/Children's Healthcare of Atlanta
  • Chip's Nation
  • CURE
  • Rally Foundation
  • St Baldrick's Foundation
  • Thumbs Up Missions
• In addition to financial donations, personal sacrifices of friends and family included (and was in no way limited to):
  • 10 inch hair donation to Locks of Love
  • 7 shaved heads
  • 1 shaved chest (Don't ask)
  • Time, talent and treasure for Blue Skies Ministries
  • 5Ks
  • Half marathon
  • Fasts
  • Plethora of cards, letters, emails, texts, and gifts!
  • Countless delicious meals provided for our family
  • 500+ cookies for the medical staff
  • 1,000s of prayers
• Our eternal gratitude for each and every person that supported our family during our time "in the desert".

Megan challenged us this week to really think about what we've each learned throughout this journey. We're certainly not the same people we were 18 months ago and there are some lessons we each learned from this that we certainly want to embrace as we leave this season behind us. For me, there were five key lessons:

• Receive 
• Shine a Light in the Darkness
• Flow like Water 
• Be Surrounded
• Trust in Him

Receive
I find it easy to give. I had no idea how hard it was for me to receive until we were showered with offers to help when Jack was first diagnosed. I initially rejected offers to help with meals, etc because I knew others had it much worse than we did and deserved the help more than we did. Besides, surely I could handle this on my own. What I have since learned is that people not only want to help, they need to help. I should have recognized from my own giving over the years that, in situations like these, the giver truly wants to share in the receivers pain and lighten the weight of the cross in any way they can. There's not much they can do (besides pray, of course) in these situations and these are acts of solidarity. My pain is our pain. By declining these offers to help, I was robbing them of this and stealing their joy. Conversely, when we began accepting these various acts of love, we received much more than delicious food and gifts. We (Jack, in particular) could SEE and FEEL an outpouring of love and support from friends and family near and far through the various acts of kindness we received. And what a difference it made on my stress level! Such a treat not to fuss with planning, groceries, meal prep, etc and spend quality time with my family. What a lesson for me to learn. Thank you, my friends, for loving my family like you do and for teaching me this valuable lesson. 

Shine a Light in the Darkness 
Darkness isn't as intimidating when you turn on a light. There were many dark times this year. Chemo days reeked emotional havoc on me, for example. Even after I became accustomed to the the process, I would angst. Inevitably, I would sleep very little the night before and come home wiped out from the experience. I can only imagine what Jack felt! On dark days like these, I would try to create/find opportunities to shine a light and create memories. Sometimes lemons are inevitable. Make lemonade.  

Flow like Water
We don't get to choose our circumstances but we do get to choose how we respond to them. We can either struggle and fight the current or go where the current takes us and handle what is before us to the best of our ability. Swimming upstream is exhausting and fruitless. So are pity parties. I have lots of choice phrases here. "Suck it up buttercup." "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it." and "You got this" come to mind. Megan taught me to "Flow like water" and embrace the journey for what it is and not what you wish it was. Such good advice.

Be Surrounded
We're very cognizant of how we've been surrounded both physically and spiritually by friends and family during our time of need. A couple of my favorite experiences include an Adoration hour that Dawn arranged in Jack's honor at church at a time that's usually been just two or three of us. That night, the adoration chapel was jam packed! No words! In addition, some of my besties from church arranged for a private spiritual retreat at my house. That morning, Arwen shared that elephants in the wild huddle around a female to protect her from dangers as she gives birth. Despite my fragility, I too felt safe as my closest friends huddled around me and spiritually protected me during this time when I felt most vulnerable caring for my baby (aka my 6'2" "man child"). What an amazing friend group I have! Jack too was circled by a small group of friends from Life Teen and Blessed Trinity. #blessedindeed

Trust in Him
At times during this journey, I felt completely empty inside. I felt like all joy, happiness and hope for the future had been scooped out of my body and this empty space, a void, remained. I felt hollow and weak. On days when I was fragile, I felt as if those empty spaces would never be full again. Some days were definitely easier than others and these empty days (typically nights, actually) were really hard. It was then I would have to remind myself (or have to be reminded by those who love me) that God's got this and to completely trust in Him and to look for the many things in my life to be grateful for. Gratitude does so much good for a person! While others may feel differently, I believe that God answers prayers. He doesn't always answer them how or when we want Him to but He definitely answers them! I compare this to when the kids were little and they would beg me for bags of candy at the store. No matter how much they begged and pleaded, candy for dinner was not an option! Of course, they didn't like it. They thought I was the worst person ever and I was punishing them but, in this circumstance anyway, I knew best. I was looking out for their best interest. Do I think that childhood cancer is anyone's best interest? Of course not. We live in a fallen world with heartache and hurts. I certainly can't make sense of why some kids get cancer and others don't or why some live and others do not. I don't feel any of us are being punished for something we did or didn't do as some have suggested. Without a doubt, He knows a lot more than me and I have to trust in my heavenly Father even when I don't understand why something is the way it is. When I don't, the nights are long and my soul is empty. When I do, I have the gift of peace and perspective. He's got this after all. Flow like water, baby. Flow like water. 
 
When we asked Jack what his key lessons were from this, he simply said:
(1) 'Don't worry until it's time to worry' and
(2) 'It's possible'. 
When he said this, it reminded me of this from Phillipians, scripture I leaned on over and over during these last 18 months.  To God be the glory indeed!

Phillipians 4: 6-20
Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the Lord that now at last you revived your concern for me. You were, of course, concerned about me but lacked an opportunity. Not that I say this because of need, for I have learned, in whatever situation I find myself, to be self-sufficient. I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me. Still, it was kind of you to share in my distress. You Philippians indeed know that at the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, not a single church shared with me in an account of giving and receiving, except you alone. For even when I was at Thessalonica you sent me something for my needs, not only once but more than once. It is not that I am eager for the gift; rather, I am eager for the profit that accrues to your account. I have received full payment and I abound. I am very well supplied because of what I received from you through Epaphroditus, “a fragrant aroma,” an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God.My God will fully supply whatever you need, in accord with his glorious riches in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father, glory forever and ever. Amen

Try as I might, I'll never have the right words to truly capture the overwhelming gratitude I have for your support during this dark season of our lives. I pray we too can be there for you if/when you need us to be the light as you have for us. Regardless of where we are on the journey, we will forever be #JackStrong. 

Hugs and love,
Team Pedersen