It's been awhile.  A long while. I hesitated to post and only do so when my heart/mind tell me to do so. Things have been quiet here but I continue to be filled with gratitude. Gratitude for the love, support and encouragement you have given our family.   As the holiday season approaches,  I want you all to know how much we appreciate YOU.  Day to day life continues but I must admit, the fear of a recurrence is always in my mind.  I balance each day with my ongoing fear of metastasis.  It's very hard to explain. 

I started a new job.  Working with adults who are addicted to opioids. Their perseverance and resilience is inspiring.  It's been eye opening and incredibly challenging.  Very sad but rewarding at the same time.  The job has been good for me because I can get outside of my own head...outside of my own needs/wants, and try my very best to help others.  I met with a patient today and we discussed what it looks like to "help others".  He is considering volunteering at a nursing home.  For some of us, it could be providing affirmation/validation,  a warm smile, a hug, a home cooked meal or words of encouragement.  Isn't that what it's all about?  Helping and supporting others? The impact we make when supporting others in an authentic way?   Do I sound preachy?   

I had a lung biopsy a couple of weeks ago for an area of my lung that looked suspicious for metastasis. I was anxious and terrified. Beyond terrified. The biopsy results proved to be a benign inflammation in the lungs. My point is, I was terrified. For a good week, I believed death was imminent.  I now accept that ongoing testing is and will be my new normal.  I need to accept it. Thanks to those who supported me during that waiting period.  I have come to a point that I am not interested in sweating the small stuff.  Does it really matter where my kids go to college?  Does it matter if the house is clean? Does it matter what I make for dinner? Some days I care...and other days I don't.   Yet,  I still struggle...we all want the best...to do the best. We are all doing our best. And that is OKAY.  

I have many flaws.  Many many flaws.  But today,  I am filled with gratitude.  For each and every one of you.  My heart is full  with gratitude.  Please know that. 

Blessings,
Jackie