Journal
Please forgive me for not keeping you dear people up to date on Ivan's story.
Things change so slowly that most times I really don't know what to write! And that fact that time evades me and I probably don't have updating this site as high of a priority as I should.
Life just keeps going on and we are learning to live with the fact that Ivan just doesn't have the energy he used to and how to divide the days up so that the important things still get done and most importantly that he gets his much needed naps.
His headaches are a lot more controlled now, though I'd like to see it better yet. I still thinks he deals with more pain without complaint than the average person would be able to handle.
This past winter he spent a month in occupational therapy again just to come up with a better exercise plan. He has a very hard time to get motivated to do exercises! Lack of motivation is a huge side effect of brain injuries. Ivan still has work in his heart, but his body just can't get the energy it needs yet to do all he wants to do. That part is very frustrating for him. Sometimes at the end of the day he will tell me, "I worked really hard today didn't I?" then he will list the few things he did and then say "Well, maybe it wasn't that much after all."
It's almost like he is having to find a new identity in who he is and what he can do. He will get there, but the road is often very hard for him.
I've noticed this year that he now understand his need for sleep and will actually nap more. Last year that was a terrible struggle for him (and me) and it was as though he was on some kind of high. He also has a lot more clarity of mind and more confidence and will now actually tell the doctors how he is doing instead of letting me do all the talking. (Nice for me) The last time we were in, he went in and, even though it had been almost 3 since we had seen the doctor, he answered all the questions he knew she was going to ask him before she even did! She said "Wow, your memory is very good!" It's very wonderful to see this improvement!!
The one thing that has remained constant in him since his accident, is his desire to continue with what he felt God told him to do, and that is to attend Bible School.
We were given the opportunity through our pastor and church to attend Bible School one night a week. Ivan instantly knew it was for us, though when we sign up I was cringing inside because of where he was at physically at the time. But it has blessed me to see how he has improved since the school started in January and he has not missed one night because of not feeling well. When he has not felt well, we just pray and he gets through it all and is able to retain the information and sometimes even feels better when it is over!
Because of his inability to write for very long periods he dictates to me what he wants in his notes. At the beginning he struggled a lot to put his thoughts into words and I had to do a lot of prompting and asking questions. Now I hardly have to do anything but write and only once in a while give a suggestion. The Bible says the Word brings healing and for Ivan, studying it has really helped to bring it and I know it will continue to!!
It seems when Ivan decides he is ready to do something, even though physically it looks impossible, God provides the healing and grace for him to do that (and the grace for me to sit back not panic) and improvement comes. So though it sometimes feels so slow and tedious, I know the timing is right and that there are so many good things we are learning on this journey. Like other hard things we have gone through in our life, I know someday we will look back and be able to say "I wouldn't have asked, nor did I want to go through that, but now that I'm though, I wouldn't trade what I learned for anything!"
Everyday it is a choice to not look into the future with questioning thoughts that would cause fear begin to take hold; but to live everyday holding God's hand, doing what He tells us to do that day and living in the hope of a glorious future!
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