Cancer has provided me with some interesting new experiences. The neuropathy in my fingers and toes is manageable but feels weird. My finger and toenails are very thin and soft. And after the first five days of each round of chemo, I get sores in my mouth -  which fortunately help me keep the weight off. But a new twist happened recently that gave me pause.

Since I started chemo, I sometimes wake up in the morning with a swollen left hand. I mentioned it to the nurses (because no bodily function is overlooked in this process) and we decided to keep an eye on it. Last week, I awoke to a huge left hand and a completely swollen arm. I decided to keep an eye on it. It happened again the next day and by mid-morning, I called to let my Care Team know. They spoke with my wonderful PA, Katie Zellner who directed me to come in for an ultrasound. I was quick to mention that I was with my preschool class and I could do it in the morning when I came to the clinic. "Oh no", Katie said, "You'll be seen this afternoon." And so I was. 

When the nurse measured, my left arm bicep was three inches BIGGER than the right side. Turns out I have a blood clot in my upper left quadrant, right next to the port in my chest. They called Katie while I waited and she contacted Dr. Hamadani. The next day in clinic,  I was trained to give myself shots in the stomach of a blood thinner known as Lovanox. Every morning and evening I practice this ritual while taking my nine other cancer meds. Apparently it is not uncommon to get clots around the port or pick line. They say it is small, which is good. The Lovanox both thins the blood and keeps the clot from getting bigger and moving to my lungs. 

My father was a surgeon and I recall when he would bring home blank syringes (sans needles) which we called "shotters." At our house, they were mostly used to shoot water at a sister or to provide the dog with much needed vaccinations. Now I have my own shotters (with needles) pre-filled with a blood thinner and it is a very simple procedure. I use them as directed since there is not a sister within spittin' distance and my dogs have already had their shots. 

After I told a friend about this, she said "I could never give myself a shot - it's too scary." To which I replied, "Of course you could - cancer offers more opportunities to be brave than you'd ever know. And if you need shots, you learn to use a shotter and you get it done." You do whatchya gotta do. Because the alternative is completely unacceptable. 

These new experiences are some more of the gifts of cancer. And when I'm through with this madness, I might be the bravest girl I know.