One thing about Life is it can look really different from one moment to the next. Happy to say these past few weeks have been worth the wait.

Less than 24 hours after I landed back in NYC, I went for a mammogram and sonogram. The sonogram showed the same area as the one that put everyone on alert in April. The mammo showed....nothing (which is why I usually forgo them).  Some bodies just don't show well on certain modalities. For me, it's mammography. The technician couldn't have been lovelier or seemed more competent. The pictures are just not worth it.

I learned all this on the same day because my doctor's wonderful NP, Elaine, was able to schedule the morning tests to take place before my afternoon appointment with him. Since Dr. F is head of his department, the results were rushed. While I was having the sonogram, I scheduled the biopsy for the soonest appointment I could get) which was following week (today, May 23rd), just in case I decided to go through with it.

When my appointment time came, my doctor gave me a hug and was accompanied by a radiologist and a resident. Both were extremely nice. We all discussed my options: (1) proceeding with the biopsy, (2) waiting to see what the MRI (which couldn't take place until Friday) would say, etc. I asked about different types of ultrasound-guided core biospies (with and without vaccuum-assist) and "what if's."

'"What if" the MRI showed the same thing ?' was pretty straightforward. The biopsy would surely be indicated. If that happened, we would move to the next set of "What ifs," when the results come back.

'"What if" the MRI shows nothing?' was less straightforward. Could we wait and repeat imaging in a few months? What's the presumed/assumed risk? How long to wait? 

The radiologist said 6 months, bur Dr. F. knew what I was thinking--what if we imaged sooner, to see if any change in size, position, etc? At first, the radiologist raised the point that the stand is 6 months because something may or may not be visible in less time than that.

"This is a matter of treating the patient, not just the condition, and I know this patient. " True, he did.

My thought was, if we did decide to hold off on the biopsy, than let's look again sooner than 6 months. We came to agree that this might be an option. It all depended on what the upcoming tests showed.

Friday was the breast MRI and pelvic ultrasounds. The MRI was nearly canceled 10 minutes before I arrived in the Bronx, due to a screw that fell out of the machine during the previous patient's MRI. Thankfully, the scheduler was receptive to my desperate pleas to find another machine for me. She did --elsewhere in the Bronx (it was a good day for Lyft), and even managed to move the ultrasounds to another facility closer to that location. Those results took a little longer.

Interestingly the results didn't line up with any of our "What ifs."

The MRI showed no problem in the area flagged by both ultrasounds, but it flagged another area entirely as an area that should be biopsied.

Um, that wasn't part of the plan.

Dr. F was heading out of town for the week, but thankfully he called me to discuss. Given that each modality's findings were not corroborated by the other two, one of my options was to give it more time and re-image. The only difference is that the imaging would have to include another MRI with contrast, so I'd need to wait 6 months (Gadolinium can leave deposits on the brain and other places. Too much in too short a time is not recommended). That seemed better to me than 2 biopsies which may not be necessary.

But what about the pelvic sonogram? Well, turns out my instincts  about something going on in that area was right -- there were some things flagged by the ultrasounds, prompting the radiologist to indicate a biopsy there too. 

I was not expecting another biopsy recommendation, but I've learned to take a beat with moments like these, because they aren't always what they seem.

Luckily, the results had come in a few hours before I had my follow-up with my GYN to discuss. Given the big picture, we too, decided to hold off for now, and I could use the time to do all the things I would like to do to support my body's ability to harmonize and they look again in a few months.

So instead of 3 biopsies this week, I'm opting to wait and re-peek. Things are not always how they first appear. After both days in the Bronx, I chose to work from the cafe in the Botanical Gardens. I watched them put the finishing touches on the Alice in Wonderland exhibit. Fitting. This past 8 days there were more than a few times I felt the pull of the vortex coming from a rabbit hole.

I am deeply grateful for all the grace of my doctors and their teams, the love, patience and caring of family, friends,  colleagues and the kindness of strangers. When you are in a Lyft for over 5-10 minutes, the conversation can get pretty philosophical!

Wishing you all a beautiful holiday (US, UK and ??) holiday weekend. Thank you for all your support!