Hey there,

It seems it's already time for another update.

Ian started his new chemo last Tuesday, 2/13/24. One thing we noticed pretty quickly is that, while his previous chemo treatments were given on Tuesdays, he wouldn't really feel it until Friday night, at which time it would get pretty bad for a day or so, whereas with this new chemo, he starts to feel it pretty much right away. Just a few hours after his first treatment, he told me he was already starting to feel it. Not too bad right away, but he could tell it was there. That day and the next couple of days were rough, but not too bad all things considered. He's had a LOT worse reaction to chemo in the past, and this seemed bearable. 

Time for a side note: The mild winter we've been having has made me both happy and sad for Ian. Happy, because he's been able to drive his Mazda MX-5 a lot this winter, when normally it just sits in the garage for several months, all alone. However, it's also made me sad, because Ian's dad got him a new snowblower for his birthday in July, and I was worried Ian would never get a chance to use it. Well, last week it snowed, and he got to blow all the snow! He said it worked great, that it throws the snow much farther, and it's self-propelled so it doesn't wear him out as quickly. AND he was feeling well enough to clear the driveway, which was also great. And then this week he has the tiny car out again. So win-win!

Okay, back to his new treatment. I totally forgot to mention in my last post that this chemo has a tendency to really lower platelets, and that Ian will likely be more vulnerable to infections, colds, etc. while he's on it. When he went in for his second chemo treatment this past Tuesday, when they checked his bloodwork, they said that his platelets, while low, were still within the normal range. Yay, platelets! They also said that, since he'd tolerated his first round of this new chemo pretty well, they were going to keep him on the same dose this week and see how it goes.

Tuesday afternoon, he started feeling the chemo, just like last week. I was out for the afternoon, and by the time I got home around 4:30pm or so, he'd already been in bed sleeping for a while. He got up for dinner (Culver's chili, which he figured he could handle because it's "basically just hearty tomato soup" 😂, and went right back to bed after he ate, where he stayed for the rest of the night. He was feeling pretty rough. I was also concerned because we had plans with his family to go out to dinner on Wednesday night for his dad's 84th birthday.

Wednesday when he got up, he said he didn't feel great, but he was able to eat some breakfast, and he stayed up for a lot of the day. He also felt well enough to go out and celebrate his dad, and managed to eat some yummy macaroni & cheese (if you're ever at The Lowry, consider trying it). 

When we got home Wednesday evening, we watched some TV, but he got really tired pretty quickly and went to bed quite early. Still, it seemed promising that he was up to going out and being social on Tuesday, so I was hopeful.

Which brings us to this morning. While I was working downstairs this morning, I heard Ian getting up upstairs. Then I heard a loud thud that sounded like maybe he fell. I waited a few minutes to see if I could hear him moving around up there, and then went up to check on him. I found him on his bedroom floor on his hands and knees. I asked him what had happened and he said nothing. I couldn't see what he was doing, but I got it in my head that it looked like he was cleaning something up. Since I had pictured him falling, so I was worried he was wiping up blood, or maybe he'd gotten sick on the floor, or something. I didn't press him at the time because he obviously didn't want to talk about it. 

I went back downstairs, waited 45 minutes or so, then went back upstairs under the guise of giving the cats their morning treats. He was acting kind of strange, so I asked him what was up. He said he wasn't doing well today. I could see that just by looking at him. He looked pale and haggard. I asked if he needed to go to the hospital, and he said, "Not yet". I asked if I should call his oncologist, and he said, "Not yet". I got him some fresh water, asked if he needed anything else, and went back downstairs to work, because there didn't seem to be anything I could do at the time, or that he wanted me to do.

I checked on him again an hour or so later, before I went into 3 hours of meetings. He said he didn't need anything. I told him that I could leave any of my meetings at any time and to let me know if he needed ANYTHING. I got a break between meetings and went upstairs to check on him. He was back in bed sleeping, which is where he stayed for the next several hours. I continued to check in on him periodically, but he seemed pretty solidly out of it.

When I finished work, I went up to check on him again. I heard him kind of groaning in his room, but when I asked what I could do, he just asked for more water. I stayed upstairs after that in case he decided he needed anything else. There was a lot more groaning and just miserable sounds, but he just stayed in bed and tried to sleep it off. 

In the meantime, my brother dropped off some fresh Broder's pappardalle pasta and some homemade veal ragu. Yummy!

Ian finally got up around 7pm or so. He was still feeling pretty bad, but much better than earlier. Very weak, and like he'd been beat up (seems to be a chemo theme for him).  He's felt weak, achy, and nauseous all day.

I asked him what had happened this morning, did he fall, and he said yes, twice. He fell once, and was having trouble getting up. He tried to leverage himself using the bed and the dresser, but the dresser was kind of slippery and the bedding slid, and he fell back down again. It took him a few minutes to make it to his hands and knees, which is where I found him. I asked if it happened because he was feeling so weak, and he said he thought so but he couldn't say for sure because he was feeling super weird this morning, like delirious or something.

I felt so fucking awful that I hadn't run upstairs immediately when I heard the thud, even though I frequently hear stuff like that when he's getting up, and have for years. I don't know if he's always dropped a lot of stuff in the mornings, or if it's the cats knocking stuff over, but it's not uncommon. But for some reason this morning felt different, and still I didn't go up. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

He's fine, he wasn't injured in any way, but I could tell it really bothered him, as it should. And I'm obviously very upset, both that it happened and that I wasn't there to help him up.

He stayed up for an hour or two, and has now been back in bed for a couple of hours. I expect he'll stay there for the remainder of the night. 

So that's where we are right now. Hopefully tomorrow things will start to turn around, but at this point all we can do is take things as they come. There doesn't appear to be any rhyme or reason to what happens or when, so we just watch and wait, and do what we can when we can. It's awful. And terrifying. I hate this so much and would give anything to take away his misery.

Anyway, I guess that's it for now. Keep those vibes, energy, strength, prayers, thoughts - whatever you've got - coming our way, please! And thank you as always for your continued love and support. ❤️