Update from Sarah

Yesterday was the hardest day. Hudson started chemo and radiation. You listen to these terrible side effects and then sign consent for these things anyway because the alternative is unthinkable. You try not to pass out when you do that. Then you watch your kid fall asleep under a giant radiation machine aimed at his belly and later you watch the sweet nurses of St Jude pump chemo into your kid while he sits there and watches. And you go home and wait. 

It didn’t take long for Hudson to start throwing up. And he looks at you like “why aren’t you stopping this?” The guilt is something you can’t even put into words. The guilt that you are the one who caused him to feel this way. 

On the way to clinic, I got out the lidocaine cream to put on his port. He asked if he had to get a poke and I said yes. Hudson said “I’m five, so I have to be brave”. And he was. Even when he was scared. Even when we were scared. I could not be more proud of him. I know he will continue to be brave. 

This last weekend was good for Hudson. He was finally feeling better after his surgery and got to have some visitors and go with his dad overnight. His friend Luke came over to visit Sunday night. And my friend took a picture of me with Hudson. I try to take pictures of Hudson’s day to day, but that means I’m not in any with him. I love this one, messy hair and all.