Journal entry by Helen Saada-Ching —
Woo hoo, I had chemo #18 yesterday/today. This was the final scheduled chemo, and I’m glad and relieved to get to this milestone.
To be honest though, I thought I would feel a lot more elated but I didn’t. I confessed to T, a dear friend who offered to accompany me for the last session, that getting to this point surprisingly felt rather anticlimactic. Putting aside the mild malaise I’ve been experiencing as a chemo side effect, my lack of jubilation is probably because ending the weekly treatments with the chemo drug Taxol didn’t represent the end of my cancer treatment. My healing journey will continue with regular infusions of the biologic drugs Herceptin and Perjeta every 3 weeks. I will still have to show up at the hospital for my medical appointments for the next 6-12 months. Over the past few weeks, I’ve debated intensely over whether to stop such preventive treatment completely. If I believe myself to be healed, then why would I need very expensive drugs to manage the proliferation of the HER 2 protein, which is the cause of my type of breast cancer? I posed the question to Dr Lynette, and she told me about how clinical trials show that folks who were on the biologic drugs for at least a year experienced less relapses, compared to those who took the drugs for only 6 months. I asked her what she would do if it were her. She said she’ll do the treatment for at least a year as recommended. Blech.
With the fear of cancer recurrence hanging over me like the sword of Damocles, I finally decided that it was better to endure more months of treatment rather than deal with “If only she had” regrets.
On the positive side, biologic drugs like Herceptin and Perjeta have less side effects than chemo drugs. The main worry will be possible damage to the heart muscle but this can be averted with regular heart tests.
I now have weeks free of medical appointments to look forward to, weeks during which my body and mind will be able to recover from the blitzkreig effects of chemo.
Onwards and upwards!
P.S. I hope this doesn’t sound maudlin, but I am deeply grateful to everyone reading this journal for your love and support. Though I couldn’t come up with adequate responses to the many encouraging comments you have penned to me over the past months, believe me that each kind word helped immensely to keep my spirits high and positive during my unexpected hike through the proverbial vale of the shadow of death. When the chips are down, the folks one has as cheerleaders really matter. Thank you all for cheering me on and for the many ways you have found to touch my heart and to let me know that I’m not alone. I’m very blessed to have such amazing friends and family. Thank you. 🙏
To be honest though, I thought I would feel a lot more elated but I didn’t. I confessed to T, a dear friend who offered to accompany me for the last session, that getting to this point surprisingly felt rather anticlimactic. Putting aside the mild malaise I’ve been experiencing as a chemo side effect, my lack of jubilation is probably because ending the weekly treatments with the chemo drug Taxol didn’t represent the end of my cancer treatment. My healing journey will continue with regular infusions of the biologic drugs Herceptin and Perjeta every 3 weeks. I will still have to show up at the hospital for my medical appointments for the next 6-12 months. Over the past few weeks, I’ve debated intensely over whether to stop such preventive treatment completely. If I believe myself to be healed, then why would I need very expensive drugs to manage the proliferation of the HER 2 protein, which is the cause of my type of breast cancer? I posed the question to Dr Lynette, and she told me about how clinical trials show that folks who were on the biologic drugs for at least a year experienced less relapses, compared to those who took the drugs for only 6 months. I asked her what she would do if it were her. She said she’ll do the treatment for at least a year as recommended. Blech.
With the fear of cancer recurrence hanging over me like the sword of Damocles, I finally decided that it was better to endure more months of treatment rather than deal with “If only she had” regrets.
On the positive side, biologic drugs like Herceptin and Perjeta have less side effects than chemo drugs. The main worry will be possible damage to the heart muscle but this can be averted with regular heart tests.
I now have weeks free of medical appointments to look forward to, weeks during which my body and mind will be able to recover from the blitzkreig effects of chemo.
Onwards and upwards!
P.S. I hope this doesn’t sound maudlin, but I am deeply grateful to everyone reading this journal for your love and support. Though I couldn’t come up with adequate responses to the many encouraging comments you have penned to me over the past months, believe me that each kind word helped immensely to keep my spirits high and positive during my unexpected hike through the proverbial vale of the shadow of death. When the chips are down, the folks one has as cheerleaders really matter. Thank you all for cheering me on and for the many ways you have found to touch my heart and to let me know that I’m not alone. I’m very blessed to have such amazing friends and family. Thank you. 🙏
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