Wow. So I haven't written a journal since August 18. So many things have happened and changed since then. Tomorrow is my last chemo. 16 rounds. I've slowly counted down the number and gotten more excited with every chemo down. It's strange, but I've been feeling a certain feeling that I didn't realize would come with the end of this. Reluctance. Who knew that I would feel this way? I began this journey terrified of how I would feel or the loss of my hair, but it really wasn't what I would have expected it to be. Of course I'm excited to grow my hair back and get to back to "normal" life, but there is also a part of me that feels safe while getting chemo. I'm treating it every week. I'm being proactive. I told my sister this analogy that I think does describe it perfectly. I'm a baby bird getting ready to leave the nest and my momma bird is like "okay spread your wings and good luck". I'm not going to be protected anymore by my chemo. It did its job and I get to fly. That first leap is terrifying though. With all the ups and downs and everything in between, I can't help but ask, "I am ready?"

But of course I am! Goodbye chemo!