It's just 4 days until my 28th birthday. It's just over 3 years since I lost Kaylee. My heart hurts, some days I feel like the hurt and pain has become stronger than it has been in the past. The longing I feel to be a mom to a living baby. I've wanted to be a mom for so long. I was born to be a mom, this I know. I feel it deep in my soul, from the tip of my toes to the top of my head. The struggle to wait, to get healthy and be in the right place at the right time for a baby, is harder than anything. I'm still trying to see if I can have weight loss surgery. For myself and my health, to have a healthy body to be able to grow a healthy baby. But if I do it's about 2 years wait before trying for a baby. The pros far outweigh the cons which is why I want to do it. And I know that if I do it will be worth it in the end. But in the meantime it doesn't mean that this journey, the waiting, isn't hard. Never in my life would I have thought I'd be nearly 28 years old without a living child. Pregnancy and infant loss, infertility struggles are so real, so hard and the feelings, the emotional roller coaster is never ending . I try to remind myself that this journey is my own. I'm allowed to be happy and I'm also allowed to be sad. It's ok to have those sad moments, I just don't stay in them. Taking this journey one day at a time, staying positive, and keeping Kaylee in my heart every day. ❤️