HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

2020 was a tough year, a year unlike any other we’ve ever experienced. 

The year started off with lots of excitement, we announced that we were pregnant with Griffin. We even squeezed in a quick trip to Florida in February. Life was almost perfect. 

Then came March. Boom. On Sunday, March 8th, we attended our last in person church service of the year, no clue that we wouldn’t get to be there for Easter, Christmas Eve or any Sundays in between. 

On Friday, March 13th, we had our 20 week ultrasound and found our Griff’s diagnosis. That weekend the country shut down and it felt like we were drowning. 

The next few months were consumed with what felt like millions of ultrasound appointments. We zoomed our friends and family, Cole started working from home full time, and we had lots of time to pray, grieve and prepare ourselves for Griffin’s arrival. 

Exactly half-way through 2020, Griffin arrived. He was born on July 1st, 4 weeks before his due date. His delivery was “easier” (still not easy) and much quicker than Owen’s (Thank you, Jesus!). I had some of my best few minutes of 2020 getting to hold him without any cords or tubes, before he was taken to the NICU. 

We spent the next 132 days with Griffin in the hospital as he fought and fought and fought. The days were long and exhausting and there were so many times that I just had to cry and pray and ask God, “Why?” Why won’t you make Griffin better? Why are you separating our family? Why won’t any treatments work? Why did this have to happen in the middle of a global pandemic? Why can’t we catch a break? Why did you have to take our son? 

We believe in God, and we have peace knowing that Griffin is in Heaven. Whenever I think about Heaven, and I think about seeing Jesus face-to-face, will I ask God why my child had to die? I don’t know. 

What I do know is that God has great promises for us. Some day there will be no hospitals, no funeral homes, no cemeteries. Can you imagine that? No COVID. No cancer. No birth defects. No addictions. No sin. No heart disease. No kidney failure. No chylothorax. No murder. No overdoses. No suicides. No infertility. No more pain. Sadness won’t exist. Depression won’t creep in. Anxiety won’t steal joy. 

On Christmas morning, we went out to the cemetery before heading to our family Christmas celebration. I thought I was doing okay until Owen fixed a flower in the vase and said, “Merry Christmas, Griff.” Ugh, I miss him. Griffin would have been celebrating his half birthday today if he were still here. 

Griffin was the greatest gift we received last year. He was a gift for us to love, but he ultimately belongs to the Lord. Our time on earth with Griffin was limited, but our time with him in Heaven will be eternal and I thank God for that. 

2020 will be a year that we will never forget. It was a year with loss, heart ache and grief.  2020 was also a year that God reminded us that His light still shines, even through the darkest days. We are thankful for a God who can bring us peace and joy no matter what is happening around us.

Praying that 2021 is a year of health, hope, faith, joy and love. 

Happy New Year!